Actually this is going to be a catch all for most of the stuff wandering through my head, but I'll start with what is morality.
I read/heard (experienced?) a web series on men and women being friends. More on my personal opinion on that and other moral gray area questions, but one particular phrase in the series stood out to me.
That phrase was "doing that wouldn't be honorable to your signifigant other or to God" (actually I'm paraphrasing, it was in a video and I'm not going to track it down.) What struck me about this concept is that it's a rather overstating of the value of honor from my point of view. Let me make this clear, I believe in honor much more than your average guy. So I tell myself anyway. I do believe that you should honor your signifigant other, and I suppose God, but it running that deep doesn't happen often. In this example the action requiring honor was honoring your sig other's request to not hang out with your other sex friends. Now this is situation dependent of course. But in my life, I have had this challenge put to me by a sig other who turned out to be temporary, and it separated me from a friend that wasn't. In the end my decision also resulted in me escalating the friendship, and that didn't work.
But that's not what I'm challenging here, the rightness of that decision on it's own. It actually comes down to a major decision question from your romantic partner. Our host would lead us to believe that the right thing to do (now mind you she qualified it to if it seems sane), is to respect their wishes. Because it's what is honorable. This speaker seems to also have a much higher opinion of how to satisfy the honor of God than I do. She also in another point in the series said that not following "God's plan for our sexuality" was not honorable. Now I'm sure she has the best intentions in saying this. Let me be clear that I respect her right to preach this. I used to believe in it, at least somewhat. God and sexuality is a hot button issue with me. Now at this point I will be honest, in that I just do not know how God feels about premarital sex. Or postmarital sex(which is a much more apt description as to what I do that is considered "sinful").
I know that cheating is wrong, and damaging. Lust to some extent is wrong, if it escalates to the point that you value sex over humans... in some situations anyway. If you love someone, and you start out lusting after them too, then one day the lust dies down and because sex is so much to you, you must go cheat, that's a problem. If it somehow causes your partner harm, that's a problem. But lust and desire are part of being human.
I think that's part of what I can't stand about these pureness hounds. They've stripped away some of their humanity and then are so self rightious about it. I respect them, but I hate how they act as if they think they are right. If they are right, and I have said this countless times, then prove to me that a woman exists out there that both A: is capable of satisfying my needs for a long term (talking about 50 years here) relationship and B: would value or experience benefit from me having less sex now. Of course if they could prove that I would benefit from that we would be having a different conversation as well (actually there is a book out there called "Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex is Affecting Our Children", but I don't have the money or time to order it. If I spent that money I would have to read it. And if I had to read it and it sucked, it would be a major waste. I am thinking about it.)
Look, I'm not saying I want to have unlimited sex. I don't want unlimited fake or other smokes either. But I'm not interested in quitting smoking. If I can get to a point of moderation (which I have when I'm happy), I'd be much more satisfied than if I had to live a clean lifestyle. It's my personal belief that God wants me to be happy. To destroy myself with sobriety seems like just as dishonorable as if I spent all my time getting high, or having sex. From time to time God blesses me by sending a beautiful woman into my life. They usually want to sleep with me. And it's usually amazing. They rarely seem to intend to stick around longer than that, sadly. Does that mean I should turn them down and waste this blessing? Yeah, if actual Christians read all that they'd be screaming at me about how I'm rationalizing. My answer? Maybe. A bit. I try to be honest on here. But on the other hand my defence mechanisms will occasionally take over. You have to remember I am at this point dealing with every bit of my own pain alone.
Now, what else is bothering me? The friendship bubble for one. I'm still a little POed by the fact that every once and awhile when I do like a girl and I let her know she isn't into it. Regular readers will know which one in particular bothers me most. I guess I don't understand why. Actually part of it was that I didnt remind her of a certain someone. All the winners she's been with remind her of him, her first guy.
What else? My ex wife. Still the only woman I have successfully committed to. And still the worst person for me in the history of my life. It's her birthday tomorrow. Apparently her marriage isn't in any trouble.... that saddens me. Life is quite kind to her. How can there be any God in that situation? Or to be more accurate, how can a God who loves me and punishes the sinful be in that?
Post note: here is a link to the last part of the series I referred to, the links to the rest are on that page:
http://loveandrespectnow.com/2011/11/can-guys-girls-be-friends-question-6/
I read/heard (experienced?) a web series on men and women being friends. More on my personal opinion on that and other moral gray area questions, but one particular phrase in the series stood out to me.
That phrase was "doing that wouldn't be honorable to your signifigant other or to God" (actually I'm paraphrasing, it was in a video and I'm not going to track it down.) What struck me about this concept is that it's a rather overstating of the value of honor from my point of view. Let me make this clear, I believe in honor much more than your average guy. So I tell myself anyway. I do believe that you should honor your signifigant other, and I suppose God, but it running that deep doesn't happen often. In this example the action requiring honor was honoring your sig other's request to not hang out with your other sex friends. Now this is situation dependent of course. But in my life, I have had this challenge put to me by a sig other who turned out to be temporary, and it separated me from a friend that wasn't. In the end my decision also resulted in me escalating the friendship, and that didn't work.
But that's not what I'm challenging here, the rightness of that decision on it's own. It actually comes down to a major decision question from your romantic partner. Our host would lead us to believe that the right thing to do (now mind you she qualified it to if it seems sane), is to respect their wishes. Because it's what is honorable. This speaker seems to also have a much higher opinion of how to satisfy the honor of God than I do. She also in another point in the series said that not following "God's plan for our sexuality" was not honorable. Now I'm sure she has the best intentions in saying this. Let me be clear that I respect her right to preach this. I used to believe in it, at least somewhat. God and sexuality is a hot button issue with me. Now at this point I will be honest, in that I just do not know how God feels about premarital sex. Or postmarital sex(which is a much more apt description as to what I do that is considered "sinful").
I know that cheating is wrong, and damaging. Lust to some extent is wrong, if it escalates to the point that you value sex over humans... in some situations anyway. If you love someone, and you start out lusting after them too, then one day the lust dies down and because sex is so much to you, you must go cheat, that's a problem. If it somehow causes your partner harm, that's a problem. But lust and desire are part of being human.
I think that's part of what I can't stand about these pureness hounds. They've stripped away some of their humanity and then are so self rightious about it. I respect them, but I hate how they act as if they think they are right. If they are right, and I have said this countless times, then prove to me that a woman exists out there that both A: is capable of satisfying my needs for a long term (talking about 50 years here) relationship and B: would value or experience benefit from me having less sex now. Of course if they could prove that I would benefit from that we would be having a different conversation as well (actually there is a book out there called "Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex is Affecting Our Children", but I don't have the money or time to order it. If I spent that money I would have to read it. And if I had to read it and it sucked, it would be a major waste. I am thinking about it.)
Look, I'm not saying I want to have unlimited sex. I don't want unlimited fake or other smokes either. But I'm not interested in quitting smoking. If I can get to a point of moderation (which I have when I'm happy), I'd be much more satisfied than if I had to live a clean lifestyle. It's my personal belief that God wants me to be happy. To destroy myself with sobriety seems like just as dishonorable as if I spent all my time getting high, or having sex. From time to time God blesses me by sending a beautiful woman into my life. They usually want to sleep with me. And it's usually amazing. They rarely seem to intend to stick around longer than that, sadly. Does that mean I should turn them down and waste this blessing? Yeah, if actual Christians read all that they'd be screaming at me about how I'm rationalizing. My answer? Maybe. A bit. I try to be honest on here. But on the other hand my defence mechanisms will occasionally take over. You have to remember I am at this point dealing with every bit of my own pain alone.
Now, what else is bothering me? The friendship bubble for one. I'm still a little POed by the fact that every once and awhile when I do like a girl and I let her know she isn't into it. Regular readers will know which one in particular bothers me most. I guess I don't understand why. Actually part of it was that I didnt remind her of a certain someone. All the winners she's been with remind her of him, her first guy.
What else? My ex wife. Still the only woman I have successfully committed to. And still the worst person for me in the history of my life. It's her birthday tomorrow. Apparently her marriage isn't in any trouble.... that saddens me. Life is quite kind to her. How can there be any God in that situation? Or to be more accurate, how can a God who loves me and punishes the sinful be in that?
Post note: here is a link to the last part of the series I referred to, the links to the rest are on that page:
http://loveandrespectnow.com/2011/11/can-guys-girls-be-friends-question-6/
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