a frank assessment of my weaknesses

At the moment, I am nervious, and that, along with many other things, is is a weakness. Being aware of weaknesses is a strength, and it's a hard virtue to cultivate. But rewarding at times.
The biggest weakness I have at the moment is fear. I am virtually petrified of some of the things in my life. Of falling in love for one, because I have never done it before. I have a programmed in solution for that. That solution is what I will loosely call the "Jump Program". At some point in my childhood I had to overcome one of my earliest fears, the fear of heights. At the time I was developing my skills in scouting. Being a boy scout and being afraid are not compatible. For one there are the hikes, and the time in the wilderness that represents the ideal of becoming a young man. But boy scouting introduced me to one thing that would become a part of me forever, that is skiing. Skiing seemed like the most unlikely hobby considering where I started from, but from the first time I went down a slope I loved it with all my heart. But I had to push back some old fears. So I tapped into the beginnings of my programming.

 General Patton said "a good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow." And this is true of many decisions. It's often better to be decisive than to lose the opportunity to indecision. So when I am faced with something horrifically frightening, but potentially full of growth potential and hope, I will jump at it much more easily, because the decision has already been made. I remember once I took the wrong lift up the slope. I ended up on a way too difficult run, but, I found out that the only way to get back to safety was through danger. So I skied down, and I survived, and I learned that I could be preserved through strife to reach the goals I set. I care for this woman, the reward is worth it. The risk, it is frightening. Not just the risk of me screwing up. I screw up all the time. The risk is of it not working. I'm at the point in my affection for her the idea of her not falling for me frightens me. But my doctor said I needed to step outside my comfort zone, and so I am.

I have an anger problem. I take myself too seriously. I can be over sexual. In fact I would say I know far more about lust than I do about love. I have pride, and that I refuse to correct that in fact I augment it. I am working on my anger problem because a good man has control of his fits of passion. I learn to laugh at myself because a man easy to laugh is a man easy to love. I am learning to be sexual when appropriate, because man cannot live on carnal pleasure alone. I hope to fall in love, because love can preserve and last a lifetime, but lust is just for a night. But pride.... pride is something else. If you succeed at pride, which mind you I am only at the beginning of, you draw respect. Pride is loving you, pride is seeing what God created in you and smiling to know you are blessed and beautiful in his eyes. Humility has it's place, but it being a defining characteristic is beyond me. I suppose that's very unchristlike of me. But God does not say he plans to break our will, or our personality to have a place in our hearts. Look at David, Look at Solomon, those were not humble men, yet they were men God loved.