I'm going to try and talk about what has been going on over the past few days and how it made me feel. I had made a perfectly decent post starting to deal with all this but it accidentally got deleted.... I've been having trouble with my creativity lately as well.... I guess obviously.
I keep getting distracted.
So anyway.... after I posted that long thing in the morning about the exchange with my wife I got in a fight with my girlfriend. Well..... I think of it more as I released some frustrated feelings and she walked out because she doesn't feel a damn thing for me.
Then I went to bed.
When I woke up.... at some point I figured out the cat had died. Well, been killed. I think that pretty much did me in as far as surviving the fight. So the cat died.... then she tells me to take HER dog to the pound (I'm not personally harping on that, everyone else is.) So that's three animals down in a week.............
She's barely talked to me since. But I have learned that she plans to move out... into an apartment that she's signing a three month lease on. YEAH, this girl wasn't ready to commit to staying down here now signs a lease.... Didn't I tell you hurting me gives women wings to soar? Well I don't think I've ever put it that way exactly, but the concept is the same as the classic They hurt me/They get cool prizes game. Maybe I should advertise this. So I'm upset over that.
And all this has just been the tipping point for me being suicidal. I was going to do it that morning after she left.... really I think mostly because there was no one to stop me anymore. So I drove over to see my dad and was planning to get checked into the hospital. Then I sort of talked myself into joining a gym.
So that's the personal life news.
In career news I haven't been in class in a week. And I think I might have quit my job. The manager I don't like and me obviously can't cooperate anymore. *sigh* Alright? updated well enough?
Now, about anger. I'm very angry right now. I've pushed away everyone who could be hurt by the anger because I'm angry enough that I imagine anyone coming within 100 yards of me will suffer residual bad energy damage. It's addictive.... anger. It makes me feel in control, powerful and intelligent. I'm aware it doesn't make me any of those things.... Though at times it fuels the chasing of those things.
It's not that I can't stop being angry, I'm fully capable of it... I have the tools. What I lack is any motivation. I'm doing everything I can to keep myself from suicide right now, that's a choice to stay out of the hospital. But I'm going to be alone the rest of my life.... why on EARTH would I stop being angry if it makes me feel good? Better than any human is capable of. Oh wait, they're capable just not willing. Gee I guess god really did make man in his own image.........Yet again I see the failures of men reflected in their god.
I keep getting distracted.
So anyway.... after I posted that long thing in the morning about the exchange with my wife I got in a fight with my girlfriend. Well..... I think of it more as I released some frustrated feelings and she walked out because she doesn't feel a damn thing for me.
Then I went to bed.
When I woke up.... at some point I figured out the cat had died. Well, been killed. I think that pretty much did me in as far as surviving the fight. So the cat died.... then she tells me to take HER dog to the pound (I'm not personally harping on that, everyone else is.) So that's three animals down in a week.............
She's barely talked to me since. But I have learned that she plans to move out... into an apartment that she's signing a three month lease on. YEAH, this girl wasn't ready to commit to staying down here now signs a lease.... Didn't I tell you hurting me gives women wings to soar? Well I don't think I've ever put it that way exactly, but the concept is the same as the classic They hurt me/They get cool prizes game. Maybe I should advertise this. So I'm upset over that.
And all this has just been the tipping point for me being suicidal. I was going to do it that morning after she left.... really I think mostly because there was no one to stop me anymore. So I drove over to see my dad and was planning to get checked into the hospital. Then I sort of talked myself into joining a gym.
So that's the personal life news.
In career news I haven't been in class in a week. And I think I might have quit my job. The manager I don't like and me obviously can't cooperate anymore. *sigh* Alright? updated well enough?
Now, about anger. I'm very angry right now. I've pushed away everyone who could be hurt by the anger because I'm angry enough that I imagine anyone coming within 100 yards of me will suffer residual bad energy damage. It's addictive.... anger. It makes me feel in control, powerful and intelligent. I'm aware it doesn't make me any of those things.... Though at times it fuels the chasing of those things.
It's not that I can't stop being angry, I'm fully capable of it... I have the tools. What I lack is any motivation. I'm doing everything I can to keep myself from suicide right now, that's a choice to stay out of the hospital. But I'm going to be alone the rest of my life.... why on EARTH would I stop being angry if it makes me feel good? Better than any human is capable of. Oh wait, they're capable just not willing. Gee I guess god really did make man in his own image.........Yet again I see the failures of men reflected in their god.
When infidelity and lies become uncontrollable in your relationship and you're in a situation where you suspect your spouse of cheating and they keep lying about it, I recommend you reach out for the service of this tech guru at 'hackingloop6@gmail. com, if you need to find out about a cheating partner or spouse, recover and retrieve stolen or hidden files and documents, recover passwords, erase fines and fees, spy and track on anyone, background check, fix and boost credit scores, BTC top up etc. Write to 'hackingloop6@gmail .com, for help with any of the above or help with any spy or hack related service. He is so reliable and ethical,you will also reach him on WhatsApp + 1 484 540 - 0785..his service is legit and affordable, he has the answer to all your hacking related questions, let him know I recommended his service.
ReplyDelete