intimacy

I just had a thought about intimacy, that thought being that with intimacy orgasms should actually decrease (in my case at least), the meaningfulness of the relationship would make you capable of going longer without sex, not burning out, and not moving on to someone new. I know because it was once that way for me. As I loved her my libido went down, trying to find an even level. Hers didn't. Maybe I didn't make her feel loved. *sob* I mean that could be it couldn't it?
I mean my penis plays the part
my prostate doesn't play that doesn't matter anyway
cause I got a good liver and a good beating heart
Don't how to say this, don't know what to do
but when her love just isn't there
and though she cares her love just isn't there
I've never lost site of the far horizon that I seek
Though life's humbling and brief
I still believe in what I see
and what I don't
and what I will
I keep my eye on the horizon til the dream comes home
I know that she's out there, I just can't deny
that somewhere out there is a girl for whom I'm the perfect guy
And she'd be all I need, neither yoked to a name or the words on the paper, just yoked to your heart.
I've seen long depression
I've sometimes seen death
I've seen the dissolving of all that once was
I've seen some betrayal
I've seen some abuse
But none of that yet can be an excuse
Because when life hands you lemons you must make lemonade
When God furnishes you with talent you go out and seek your trade
And even though I quite agree that God has got the best for me
Until he's here and plans appear I'm moving on
I'm moving on until his voice is at my shoulder
I'm moving on until his breath is in my hair
I'm moving on until eyes are my window
I'm going on until his feet are at my door
I'm going on until he shows me the girl I'm gonna marry
I'm going until I know I shall not die
I'm going on I'm going on and on and on and on and on
I'm going on until I'm gonna die
I wonder why
He promised me life ever lasting, that maybe I would know no dying day, or if I did it would be the next logical journey, the next step to take my life upward growth
But life is tedious and poor
yet it beats down your door
and you can't help but be incensed
why should this happen to me?
I thought that I was better than this lord God right now
be ready for you and how I must be so inadaquit
Where is your aspirations? Where are they written down?
Don't give me your word for all.
I want your special word for me.
Give me the star to aim for
I'll be true to it from the start
Give me a love to walk with
Then you will really see my heart
But must you test me with isolation?
And tests of my strength?
Why all this training? What does it mean?
Why can't I be steady? Why must I be weak?
Yes there are you and I in this relationship,
But ours is a father son
Hers will be a lover to a lover
Best friend to a friend
The sweetness of that sweet vanity that you are perfect for each other. Oh Lord for that sweet vanity to be true.  For the sweet release that would be all your promises come true. You said ask and you will be answered, seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be opened. I asked, and I asked, and you've given me partial answers, but never a straight one. A straight one lord, which is the full realization in some way and total validation. There is nothing to fear Lord, I have been as faithful to my prayer as I could have hoped for, though I know it falls short of your glory. When you answer I will be all the more yours, and I'm trying to open myself up to that. I am a human, I need a bit of stimulation, surely you know how that principle in love works, you created love did you not?
Why must I love what I cannot have..... never can I have her total love. Who? I don't know who, my heart fell out and when I shined it up and put it back in it lacked a lady love. Someone I could do anything for. I see many that I see such potential in, yet either I fail the approach because I'm flawed too, or I fail the follow through.