Just something that struck me while I was reading Maslow's thoughts on pornography. Pornography is fantasy, more often than not male fantasy. What he said is that it's a lie, but not a harmful one if you KNOW it's a lie. Valuable words there. He said these are but fantasies, which is a critique and praise. But most importantly they are unrealistic fantasies. Personally I enjoy word fantasies, ones I create in my mind the images for. I just read some today. Yet that doesn't make my love for the arms of a real woman fail. Sometimes it makes the longing more acute. Sometimes it lessens it. However it is primarily an experience between me and my own head. And such is my love of myself sometimes that I must daydream fantastic adventures for me to go on. I know I won't go in the end. Being a good man and responsible are too important.
Another thing he said is music is utopia. My current favorite song is called Captain Lou, going as follows:
"Some say that I'm not wrapped too tight
captain lou captain lou captain lou
But when I'm on the scene everything's alright
captain lou captain lou albano"
I just love the idea. This song is my private utopia, and here is why, and then I'll tell you another story of my utopia. Some people don't like me, or might speak words against me, and it's hard being an intelligent realist and both knowing that and trying to transcend that. But people want me around. I can imagine them calling my name. Because when I'm around, for them, life gets better. That's what I want to believe. Whether it's true or not is another thing entirely. But I say as Vonnegut said before me that the truth is a dangerous thing. Sometimes too much of it could rip you apart. Well, could rip me apart. I couldn't stand for years to realize why my wife left me, why she did what she did. Now I understand. I wouldn't go back and tell myself the answer though, not after it was too late to change. I had hurt too much.
Another utopia was inspired by her. She called me proud and vain when she left me. I am. So is all man, but I know mine so I can mock it, and in mocking it I find vision of what men want to be: You're so vain.
You walked into the party
like you were walking onto a yacht
your hat strategically tipped below one eye
your scarf it was apricot
you had one eye in the mirror as you watched yourself gavot
and all the girls dreamed that they'd be your partner
You're so vain. You probably think this song is about you.
This is the essence of man, both in his flower and in his shame. It is shameful to be so insecure as to need to put on a display for others. But it is beautiful to love yourself so decadently that everyone wishes to be in your shoes. I found this song, and I adopted it as one of my ego banner songs because this song is about me. Not LITERALLY, but about a man like me. I want to be that man, we all do sometimes.
But one of the verses is so brutally honest it helps me gut check myself:
You said that we made such a pretty pair
and that you would never leave
but you gave away the things you love
and one of them was me
I had some dreams they were clouds in my coffee
clouds in my coffee
I loved her, I made such promises to her. To more people than I'm proud to admit. But in the end I gave away the things I loved. One of them was Lindsay. One of them was Nikki. They had dreams but in the end it mattered to me more who they were to ME. Anyway the point is that if they really mattered to me maybe they would have made different decisions. Or maybe not.
I'm going to go into another utopia now:
Minecraft.
Another thing he said is music is utopia. My current favorite song is called Captain Lou, going as follows:
"Some say that I'm not wrapped too tight
captain lou captain lou captain lou
But when I'm on the scene everything's alright
captain lou captain lou albano"
I just love the idea. This song is my private utopia, and here is why, and then I'll tell you another story of my utopia. Some people don't like me, or might speak words against me, and it's hard being an intelligent realist and both knowing that and trying to transcend that. But people want me around. I can imagine them calling my name. Because when I'm around, for them, life gets better. That's what I want to believe. Whether it's true or not is another thing entirely. But I say as Vonnegut said before me that the truth is a dangerous thing. Sometimes too much of it could rip you apart. Well, could rip me apart. I couldn't stand for years to realize why my wife left me, why she did what she did. Now I understand. I wouldn't go back and tell myself the answer though, not after it was too late to change. I had hurt too much.
Another utopia was inspired by her. She called me proud and vain when she left me. I am. So is all man, but I know mine so I can mock it, and in mocking it I find vision of what men want to be: You're so vain.
You walked into the party
like you were walking onto a yacht
your hat strategically tipped below one eye
your scarf it was apricot
you had one eye in the mirror as you watched yourself gavot
and all the girls dreamed that they'd be your partner
You're so vain. You probably think this song is about you.
This is the essence of man, both in his flower and in his shame. It is shameful to be so insecure as to need to put on a display for others. But it is beautiful to love yourself so decadently that everyone wishes to be in your shoes. I found this song, and I adopted it as one of my ego banner songs because this song is about me. Not LITERALLY, but about a man like me. I want to be that man, we all do sometimes.
But one of the verses is so brutally honest it helps me gut check myself:
You said that we made such a pretty pair
and that you would never leave
but you gave away the things you love
and one of them was me
I had some dreams they were clouds in my coffee
clouds in my coffee
I loved her, I made such promises to her. To more people than I'm proud to admit. But in the end I gave away the things I loved. One of them was Lindsay. One of them was Nikki. They had dreams but in the end it mattered to me more who they were to ME. Anyway the point is that if they really mattered to me maybe they would have made different decisions. Or maybe not.
I'm going to go into another utopia now:
Minecraft.
