Gaston issues

I have often had issues with Gaston out of Beauty and the Beast, in that many things about his character don't make sense, examples:

Gaston has a long self titled song all about him. During this song he brags "When I was a lad I ate 4 dozen eggs every morning to help me get large, and now that I'm grown I eat 5 dozen eggs so I'm roughly the size of a barge" To make a dozen eggs a day it takes 18 hens, so that's 72 hens as a kid, 90 as an adult. Who tends all those chickens? Are there any eggs left for anyone else? Is that why his sidekick is so small? Also he claims that every last inch of him is covered with hair, but I see no beard on his face....

Oh and he's not the size of a barge... and he's not at all sea worthy.... without a beard especially. They don't feed barges eggs.... so who knows where he got this strange idea that eating eggs would make him as big as one. Perhaps he needs more employment and there is a shortage of barges. This is just one of the many mysteries that he has. Another that has often been debated in my house is why he completely ignores the three blonds that pine over him the whole movie. Another is if he has the sort of absolute power to get the whole town to march out in the middle of the night to a dark castle and do battle with magic furniture, couldn't he think of something better to do with that sort of influence? Where are Gaston's parents? If Gaston is a hunter then doesn't wearing red sort of throw off the idea of camouflage? Also strutting around bragging with a yappy side kick doesn't exactly help lure the various woodland creatures in. Does Gaston even live anywhere aside from at the bar? Also how does he survive on this diet he has primarily consisting of beer and eggs? The fact that he has avoided high blood pressure or other coronary problems is a medical miracle. Why just eggs? Does Gaston have a problem with bacon and pancakes? What kind of example is that to set for the little ones? What happens to the village when Gaston is dead and all these people who had spent their whole lives sucking up to him have to find something else to do with their lives?

And that's not all that is wrong with the movie, if you look around you'll notice no one has parents except Bell who just has her crazy father (who resembles the sultan in Alladin a bit too closely for comfort) and chip who has Mrs Potts. And there's another problem, was chip born after she turned into a pot or did she just have a really weird sense of humor about naming her kid? Do all the enchanted people have to eat? Do they age? If not then why would they want to go back if they could have been immortal?

And there's more subtle issues. A good example is that I think Bell's attraction to the beast is rooted in both her enjoyment of his kind heart and her arousal at his primal nature. When he turns back into a human wouldn't that cause some of the attraction to die? I expect someday she's going to wake up and realize that quite literally, he isn't the beast she fell in love with. And who is going to handle that divorce? Fairy tale court? Would he turn back into a beast if she left him? So many questions are unanswered.

naming convention fun

So I was looking through boring stats and stuff and it appears I picked a really distinctive name for my blog. This is somewhat gratifying to me, though at the same time rather shocking. I thought that many people would have the image of a blog as a sort of explosion of ideas from their head. The difference I would think in my name, and how I tried to make myself distinctive is by putting the word improved in front of it. Of course this wasn't actually a marketing move, it was more of an attempt to distance myself from my previous blogging attempt: "Larry Albano's Head Explosion" which was of course my rants and observations packaged under another name. It obviously didn't fool anyone as I discovered it was unfortunately linked to me in a irreversible way. Of course I could have opened up new accounts and continued to try and disguise my deep, disturbing and rather volatile thoughts. But I decided to improve my honesty and just publish under my name, hence improved. I still sincerely doubt that anyone aside from a girl I dated very early in the game has found both me in real life and this blog. And even if they did I would welcome anything they had to say about either.

Anyway in a group of google searches I did to see where I came up, I found some fun links:
http://mindhacks.com/2009/05/07/exploding-head-syndrome/ 

  http://www.mit.edu/~mkgray/head-explode.html

And the snopes article about that exact weekly world news article:
http://www.snopes.com/humor/iftrue/chess.asp

The weekly world news, america's silliest in print publication. Prominent player in great overlooked Mike Myers movie "So I Married an Axe Murderer".

And finally, on the topic of movies, we have movies featuring exploding heads:
http://unrealitymag.com/index.php/2010/02/24/videos-of-heads-exploding-in-movies/

Of those movies I have seen Pulp Fiction and Mars Attacks, and am unlikely to put any of the remaining movies on my must watch list. Just saying.
Anyway tune in next time for more stuff that just comes out of my head. And what's more you don't have to go to the movie theater, or have a rare medical disorder, or work for the weekly world news to experience it.

the infamous number 8 has been found

So I think it is worth saying I didn't intend to reach number 8 to begin with. Can you believe there was a time I believed I would only reach ONE, hooo boy that's a good one.
Hey now while I'm thinking about old number one I have some news, some news that amuses me.
The other day I was stalking around the ex wife's profile and she has a link to a marriage seminar. She said she really wants to make her marriage work, and heal from the past. HAHAHAHA! Justice thy name is pain. Whether she fails or not she is weak. I will enjoy following, even from a distance, in hopes that her marriage will wither and drop dead. Just for my gratification. Though to tell the truth I am quite gratified to begin with.
All I need now is to hear a news report that Thomas was drafted into the military and lost a leg in some sort of horrible explosion... and his junk. You know I found out that gutless swine stole hundreds worth of DVDs? Never trust a man you love, this is coming from a male perspective. So.... backhanded, double crossing.... I'm glad I hurt him while I could.
So, back to gladder tidings. Yes I have found a new woman to see. I have seen her for three days. Now, here is the trouble: My heart deeply desires to fall for her. I knew when I first met her, which was an impulse decision. We got high together and started talking, and I saw something of myself in her. Which says a number of disturbing things, but nevertheless she is the ideal mate in some respects if that is the case. Genetically I have already made up my mind. If she would have me from a mating standpoint, strictly biological, I would have her and her alone. Whether the rest lines up is beyond me. Whether she'll feel the same, or feel anything towards me is beyond me. She obviously likes me... somewhat. She challenges me spiritually, and mentally to some degree. I like that. She's beautiful, she feels amazing in my arms. I just... I don't know what I feel right now. What I feel right now is worry and fear. What if she doesn't care for me in the long run and I lose her? How will I handle that if it happens? Do I need to prepare for that now?
What if she does want me, now and forever, to be her only? How will I react? Can I be all that she needs in a man? Frankly I don't know.
Obviously I haven't told her all the truths about me, though she has told me many of herself. To some extent I have things I cannot help but reveal.... and those I try to reveal beautifully. I feel so clumsy trying to show her how I feel at times. She communicates by touch, so touching is how I try and show... something, anything. It's not my first language you know. *sigh* This is not what I pictured God, yet his fingerprints are on her. Well they've been on a few girls. Regardless I can't disrespect the fingerprints of God.
The fingerprints of God are when you discover bits of someone that achieve what God is trying to achieve. He put things in them just to do whatever his will is. He's funny like that.
I realize right now that I'm the only one who says that. That God is just plane funny. Maybe it's because taking him at his word is so hard. It's much easier to laugh and say "yeah God sure does some goofy things, glad I don't have to understand them". Which isn't to say I don't try. But my biggest try, to understand my vision, has yet to bare fruit. Sometimes, particularly at times like this when the blessings of heaven flow from the sky, I lift my head up and ask again. I open my hands, ready to receive. As of yet I haven't seen anything of it. But it's a nice feeling, a feeling that maybe God is getting around to answering prayers, or at least soothing pain. And that, for now, is a relief.

PS: I notice quite a few more people are reading. Just wanted to let you guys know I appreciate it, and to feel free to comment, as long as you aren't double posting and have something productive to say I'll probably respond or at least leave discussion open.

christian idiots

Alright, I'm going to purge on here because I'm really really REALLY pissed. actually first I'm going to call the suicide hotline, yes, I'm THAT pissed.
purged.... all over their site. Serves them right the bastards.
You know christians really are the most condescending jerks on the planet. Right now I'm pissed enough I'm almost willing to start donating money to the muslim brotherhood. Anyone anti christian really. Maybe christianity will be burned to the ground like it needs to be for healthy people to start growing instead..... Actually I think bad people are just attracted to christianity because christianity doesn't believe in helping hurt people, it believes in telling them to suck it up. I hate recovery. I hate everything they stand for right now.

how to not make me fall in love with you

I hope this illustrates a good road map for how to keep me from forming a long term bond with you.
1. Remind me of my ex wife, or of any of the woman that have hurt me, if you even resemble them and the way they hurt me you can measure our relationship in the amount of time it takes for me to determine if you are similar enough to them to hurt me the same way.
2. Confuse sex with love. Just because I have sex with a woman doesn't mean I love them. It usually means I want to love them. But when they start using me for sex then that's all it will ever be. When I am nothing but a sex toy to you then you'll be nothing but a whore to me.
3. Lie or deceive me about something important. If you pretend to be something you're not sooner or later it will come out. Even if I don't find out, it will eat you alive and you'll leave me. Or I'll do something like start a fight and read you like a book. Don't EVER assume I'm green enough to buy into your lies. Even if I don't catch you, before you have a shot at my money or my long term affection you'll be passing before some of the best eyes in the business of examining women. I don't trust easily, especially once I suspect you.
4. Expect me to become something I'm not. I am what I am, from the day I was born until I die. Expecting me to develop into your ideal man is just plain stupid. Go find that man, I'll find someone who loves me as I am, or be alone. Because I love me as I am. And you'll learn sooner or later that I don't react quickly or effectively to advice or corrections to my personality.

If you want me to love you just love me as I am. When we make love  it needs to be about us, not about making your joy bits happy. If you want your joy bits made happy then there are stores that sell products that do that. I am not currently in the hobby of making other people's joy bits happy for kicks. If you ever look at me like I'm the only man for you, and love me as I am, you'd probably have my heart forever. But seeing as I'm unsure such a wonderful person exists I might just be talking to the night air.

self esteem

So I guess I should get this out, while I'm still cognitive enough to say it. Yet again I find myself attracted to a woman I can't have. I realize on some level that I have been avoiding such women (the type I might be attracted to) out of fear. I just realized I don't even know her name. She's awsome though, and that's not just the hormonal rush of "oooh I want some of that" (rarer and rarer these days). She's actually far more intelligent than me... or so she appears. That's hard for me to deal with on it's own level... Why would I want a woman who has dominated me in debate? She listens better than me, for one. While we're in this mode where it becomes possible to look at my flaws in comparison to someone more awsome, I should note that she is better at logical deconstructions. She's beautiful and doesn't even show it off. Honestly I don't think she's into men... I can't imagine her being into a guy like me.
She's got this softness. Like maybe she actually has a heart or something.... her hair looks soft. Yeah, that's a small thing, I agree, it means the entire world though. Her skin has this luminous quality. Now that could  be hormones, because I noticed those two things when I was only a few feet away.
What this brought me around to thinking about is my entire approach. The basics of my philosophy approach goes back to vonnegut. In Cat's Cradle vonnegut (by way of Bokanon) explains a theory involving how all men are made up equally of saint and pirate. They believed in this society he creates that society needs dynamic tension between men acting those parts. But it speaks of caution because the man playing pirate (the dictator) kills himself because he can't stand playing that role so completely. His opposite (the holy man Bokanon) becomes sick of being the saint.
My decision to become whom I have become all started the day my wife cheated on me. On that day, or shortly thereafter (possibly a little before), I realized that who I was didn't mesh well with the universe. I was too nice, too accommodating, and I had been taken advantage of. Multiple times, but this time I was so clearly aware that a woman that got attached to an overly kind man would use him and throw him out when she got bored. So I became a pirate. Not literally.... but I changed my ENTIRE approach. Down to how I got dressed, approached my lifestyle, even body language. I changed my working image of myself from "Max, family man" to "Max, pirate king". I realized that role required no one to validify my right to be it. I've done everything from that perspective, much of my kindness has withered or passed into the background. I may not be a complete villain, but I'm not a hero. I'm not going to save anyone.

I get it, at last

So if you know me you know that I have often grappled with a major evolution question. Why does natural selection want to increase the biomass of the unintelligent and decrease the boimass of the intelligent (without removing it.) Common sense says that learned people would practice more protection, and plan families. Unlearned people would be more promiscuous and have more offspring. So you see the multiplier.... something like  2/3 higher. Anyway the math leans towards a 1/3 decrease by the generation. It's really the difference between the learned approach and the by nature (by lust) approach. If you have the passion and temperament to procreate often, like a wild baboon, then you're in the natural.
If you prefer to procreate by careful selection of an ideal mate... well that's a human problem. You have to think to do that, and hence it takes longer. You all spend most of your biomass towards working your brain, which means you might not be as strong as another man in other areas.
Anyway biomass favors the worker over the overseer. Regardless of skill there will always be plenty of workers. Our culture... well my personal culture says that being a worker has no significance. I have always felt I was meant for a life of significance. Anyway a person meant for such a life is not doing themselves any favors following other's visions. So our species breeds down our population of visionaries. Originally in my pet plan for the human race I had suggested that in an ideal society would pair down the unselecting biomass (what I'm thinking of calling freeform biomass) and integrating more of the selecting biomass. Or selecting by purpose what kind of biomass the society needs. We already have rule of the smart biomass (for the most part), and the more biomass there is in the role of strength. The adaptive nature of the biomass is how the species adjusts it's resources to meet it's needs. So yes our planet needs free unselecting wild biomass. We just need to find better ways of determining what it is. I know this is racist, but it's not about race. It's not about that some are born BETTER suited for certain work. We do a crappy job of seeing that. So instead people have to wander around waiting for
More later, maybe, if you're good.

only the good die young

One of my favorite songs, by Billy Joel, is called Only the Good Die Young.
The song is a sort of plea to a young catholic girl, we must assume a plea with her to engage in carnal knowledge. I had heard the song for years and thought that it was referring to the fact that it always seems when the young die they are referred to as good. Therefore through some sort of irrational logic we might assume that the evil and immoral don't die young. Well to some extent they don't by that logic. When someone dies of bad decisions, what we in the western world consider immoral and wrong, it is almost always considered a theft. That death has stolen them is considered the injustice, not their own bad actions that resulted in their death.
But recently upon rehearing the song, and upon becoming no longer one of the good, I have determined that this relationship does not have to do with ill deeds extending your years. Yes it is true that when you are full of ill deeds the world will long think that you have lingered longer than you should have in life. However only the good die young refers to the simple fact of this: Age is wisdom. Ill deeds bring pain and wisdom in abundance. No one can deny that an evil man experiences the all of life... The good man is chained down. His purity binds shackles around him that holds him to youth, inexperience, and so when he dies, whether he be 10 or 100 he will die young. The wicked man, though I hate to call him that, will never die young. When he dies it will always be his time. That is the beauty of things, yet that is the sad way of the world.
I don't know whether or not I can completely turn myself over to the ways of pleasure and pain. At times I cannot stand them. Like a never ending funeral march it pushes on, with me at the front of the procession which at times takes up the jubilant cries and music of a parade... yet where is the destination? I see none but the grave at the moment, unless I can defeat it. I search never ending to defeat it..... Will I die young? I doubt it. I am not pure, I am not young, and most likely I am not good.

where-in my brain decides that hurting me is amusing

I'd like to note that my brain hurting me isn't a new thing, I'm just more certain now than ever that it does not have my best interests in mind. Actually I'd say it's my subconscious that can't deal with anything.
So I'm listening to Warren Zevon trying to deal with the pain.
It's not a stabbing pain, honestly if I wasn't aware of it I would probably hardly notice. I mean I wake up sick every morning of my life, I spend a good 25 percent of my day in some sort of pain. There comes a time when you stop calling it pain and start calling it life. Honestly I think it's just there so that when you feel good you can appreciate it.
      So what is really bothering me right now is a dream I had last night. Another dream about Lindsay coming back..... You know she's actually beautiful again..... not mine anymore though. That is a point of irritation still, weird as it is for me to say. Though her soul is rotten and trusting her is about as wise as eating off the floor of a public correction facility, she's still the woman I married..... And divorced. As the dream went along my conscious started actually processing. This is an interesting process, considering that I have backed off CONSIDERABLY from dream control. I have the ability to control my dreams on command, but when I do I lose all therapeutic benefits. Anyway so I was having a dream about it working out again between me and her... My brain, the eternal optimist painting a picture of us happy again, happier than I remember being I would like to point out. But then my conscious mind started making corrections, and it always does that by asking questions:
"What about your sexuality?"
Well, I guess we'll work it out if she's committed to us.
Before I even finished thinking that:
"What about your differences?"
I guess we'll work it out.
"What about what she did to you?"
Loooong pause (in dream time think awkward pause, I'm sure it was instant in real time.)
I guess.... we'll have to work that out.
"What about her Husband?"
*Dream crashes*
Yes, my dream literally failed in existence.
Because to begin with, the answer to the first question in real life is that she didn't care enough to adjust and accept me as I am.
Second question pertains to why I let her leave. And I suppose that's why she claimed she left. She in the end was just so far off from what I needed that I couldn't keep her in my life. It was still her choice, but that's the reason I let it happen.
And the third question accounts for even more. What she did to me was unspeakably cruel and showed how little I meant to her.
A question that my mind didn't ask (but that it would have I'm certain if it had failed to wake me up to reality.): "What about what you've done since she left?"
Which is valid. Which is one of the reasons I didn't take her back when I had a brief and unsettling choice about the matter. After being with other women.... I wasn't ready to go back to marriage.... not the way it was.
And finally, the most unforgivable thing of all, she took another man, is still with that man and loves him way more than she cared about me. And that is why she and I are on paths that will never again intersect. Sooner or later they'll have children, grow old together and die. I don't want to grow old so maybe I can outlive her. Chances are so so, depending on how well I'm taken care of.
 Sister Act made me feel good. This is actually a very interesting case, one where I find myself shedding a tear, but a tear of joy. In case you don't know the basic plot of Sister Act is about a girlfriend of a mobster who goes undercover at a convent to stay safe. In the middle of this rather nice movie some great music is performed. There is a young shy girl, and I don't know why her case touches my heart, but anyway.... She had the voice of an angel. It reminds me that there is something beautiful about women, if only one thing, their voices. When she sings, you can completely concentrate on the worship act of singing.
Here is the clip, because I can't sum up the beauty of this moment in any other words:
<iframe width="480" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/sI8lS8hr-nY" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
So, I guess a little injection of optimism in the female species is long overdue. Rock on, or in this case boogie on down.

SOPA threat

Alright, does anybody not know about the huge threat that SOPA is to internet censorship and freedom? I don't know how something like this gets support (OK, I do, lobbyists.) but this is not in the people's best interest. It will kill jobs, and it will put a choker on your freedoms online. If this passes and my senator voted for it, not only will I vote against him, but I will campaign for whomever runs against him, regardless of whether they are a better candidate. This sort of stuff just doesn't cut it in America.
I cannot say enough how upsetting it is to me that this thing has the kind of support it has. It really makes me wonder how much freedom there is left in america.

A day without a story

I realize today as much as any I need to keep to my blogging, the problem is that I have nothing particularly exciting to say. I heard a story of a storyteller who ran out of stories. And so he told the story of all the trouble he got in from running out of stories. Perhaps through introspection I can generate enough to entertain and log my life.
In case you don't know most of my work is the product of the vinegar in my blood. Not literally of course but my passion and hatred gives voice to my mind. And so what happens when nothing is happening one way or another? There is not one wonderful thing for me to speak of. And for the first time in some time, that's perfectly satisfactory.
I suppose my romantic life is the crux of what is going on with me. I had met a lovely young lady, well not so young, older than me. And then she backed off, and so I backed off as well. And I haven't heard from her since. Today I checked what movies were playing on the hopes of finding a movie I could take that lady to. Yet I could not bring myself to get excitement for any of the movies playing. Not even at the dollar movies. I had met another young lady, one that actually was young this time, but I neglected to talk with her again. I'm rather short of passion as of late. My libido is low, and I have found no one who inspires my heart or passions. All there is is work.
I have been exchanging emails with a rather interesting lady. I suppose with some hope I might be able to care for her. Of course I could care for anyone. But no one cares for me. And I don't feel a particular need to correct that.

I have also not seen any wonderful or interesting women at school. At the metro campus in fact there are many whom are hardly worthy of even a second glance. One of my friends quoted a verse today that said every woman deserves to be loved by a man. To be the only one in his heart. But, as I argued, there are many women who are unworthy. Love is the greatest gift you can give someone. Undying devotion is worth more than all the treasure in the world, if only it is from the right person. The only thing I dare say is worth more, is time. Every day you get to live past your promised time is a gift more precious than any. So, if you have time and the right one devoted to you, and there is a roof over your head and you are not hungry, then are you not the richest person you know?
I of course have often considered myself quite rich. I have money to spare, and time that is more precious than anything anyone could offer me in exchange.

selfless path to destruction

You know how much pride I have. So I suppose it comes as no shock to find that I can't stand self sacrifice.
It's not sacrifice on my part that drives me nuts, that I can live with. I'm watching what dreams may come.
It opens beautifully.... two people fall in love... what a dream that is.
Then a perfect family breakfast, before the first loss hits your gut as the main character's children are taken away. Surely there is no better proof that there is no justice than the meaningless death of a child. If it was a genetic or disease problem I could stand it, these are the penalties we pay for our flesh. But these are taken in a car wreck. A hard opening but the movie takes it in stride.
Then... four years later the husband dies.
This is his death, and it makes me so angry at him.
He's driving across town when a huge wreck happens in front of him. He successfully stops the car, only to GET OUT while the wreck is still happening. This is obviously a choice he makes to check if the other people are ok. It's a selfless act... I should be able to forgive that. I can't. Because he leaves his wife alone. His selfless act for a stranger hurts the one he loves most.
I had an argument about this, if you had the choice who's life would you save? Yours or a stranger? The answer most people give is to save the stranger. That, according to society, is the right answer. Again it strikes me how wrong me trying to fit society is. Because even though I would probably die for the simple reason if it made God smile, taking away a loved one is wrong, especially from those you love. Well so I've been taught... that's the only reason I'm not dead anyway.
I dreamed my dog died last night. The other dog broke her back. I tried to save her.... but I couldn't. Her cries of pain, the wound itself hurt me. I can't stand to see pain in those I love. Maybe she's all that is keeping me going anymore. I woke up in the middle of the night just so I could go out and hold her and know she was ok.

If I had a wife, and she loved me I would never let myself die if I had a choice. I suppose I'm being convicted... as God loves me but I would gladly take myself out of his world. Same for my parents.
I don't understand why someone would sacrifice their life for a stranger... yet Jesus did supposedly. No I'm not preaching. I'm confused. Because it was bad logic. Though I suppose he knew a bit more about what comes after... he could still do things after.... If I had that kind of power I wouldn't die.

vision

I have just received a huge flash of inspiration, which is as usual a project so big that I don't have access to nearly enough resources to start it.
Imagine if you had the resources and knowledge to start your own country ( I have some of the knowledge but none of the resources, for now we'll keep the specifics on the down low. (ah once again my keyboard is messing up, C key this time.))
Now supposing you had the resources and the control over them to achieve what needs to be done to start your own country, this is what you should do:
1: establish a universal neutrality pact with the UN and all nuclear power. In said pact imply quite clearly that you will A: act under the laws of the UN so long as the UN respects your sovereignty. and B: trade equally with all powers that can afford your products. Make close friends with at least one large nuclear power.
2: Put out an across the board call for inventors, scientists and well educated people. Find people in need of research, and pledge as many resources as you can provide to their research provided that they retain residency and pay a percentage of the profits on inventions and discoveries made on your soil.
3: Sell the products. Your profit will be the highest in the civilized world, your people will be universally employed, and you will have made the world a better place.
 

That's my idea.

reactions to demands

I frankly don't know that I can find a woman to love. Not because I'm incapable of love.... just parts of me don't seem to be willing to put in the effort. And I have yet to meet a woman willing to love me for who and what I am and not what she can turn me into.
So a funny side note. As you know I post fairly regularly on this blog. As regularly as I can, usually once a week or more. So I would say I'm fairly familiar with the process. Something interesting happened though after I wrote a new story for my story blog. It said "do you want to share this post with your friends on G+?" so I said sure. Then it occurred to me that I had never been asked that about this blog. Which begs the question: "Why?"
My initial thought is simple: This blog is too blunt and is obviously not something I want to expose to those close to me. Not that I obviously mind it being out there. And if anyone I do know reads this and wants to chat about any of my nastier thoughts they're welcome to it. Just so they know that if they dredge up the less nice bits of me I might not go back to being pleasant.

sobriety? the futile chase

Suddenly I feel different about sobriety. It might be the night air, it might be the pain I am in emotionally and physically. I feel like if I continue to indulge my every whim I will destroy myself. I think it might be time to develop more self control.....
I'm not giving up anything. I hate sobriety with a passion and have no desire for that as a life long chase. I desire to fast from the things I overdo, and come back refreshed to experience them with the joy they once brought my life. That's making adjustments. More to follow on specific plans.

No one cares for you a smidge when you're in an orphanage

So I've seen two great movies about orphans. One is Oliver, the other is Annie. While I think they are great movies, I think they actually are the most clear illustration of a particularly crazy idea: life should be better for children. In both movies, in the beginning we note our protagonist in a bleak situation, the orphanage. The underlying assumption is to be "Children don't deserve such misery." If this was a movie about adults it would be the protagonist's responsibility to escape using their wits. Because we are taught consistantly that if an adult is in such a horrible bleak situation, namely the bleak world of work and what it looks like when
NO

ONE

LOVES

YOU.

And supposedly this lack of love is only tragic and unfair for children. This in my mind creates an overbalanced situation where we raise children to believe that society will just take care of them, that they will be loved regardless. Then suddenly one day they will reach the adult world and realize that's not true. Of course some will never reach true adulthood. Some will find partners and have enough wealth to sustain the illusions in childhood. But not all. You know if children were intruduced to the unfairness of the universe earlier it's possible they would overcome it in adulthood. This is what is really wrong with the school system. It's a very ineffective way of preparing young people for life. It prepares you for educational institutions, which is GREAT for higher education and possibly life in the philosophical elite. But for working class america it's a horribly inefficient system compared to apprenticeship. If a child, say 9-10 were put to work as an apprentice they could have a bright future. But no, because we have this crazy idea of childhood we force the child to waste 17-18 years of their life. Pleasuring themselves and being pleasured. Is it any wonder there are so many addicts in this country?

realities of nicotine

Alright, first of all I'm coming at this as a hardened smoker. As I consider myself a hardened drinker, so hardened that I will stop drinking for months to appear to be not addicted, same goes for smoking. However, after three days without a smoke... it started to get to me.
I threw myself into the smoker filled environment I worked in, into another stressful weekend, the one rule? No smoke. Why? because I wanted one. Three days ago I wanted to smoke. Incidentally I'm smoking right now.

Upon realizing that I had a craving, and realizing I had smoked every day for two weeks, I determined that I was dangerously near the line of "Addicted." I entered smoking with the express intention of not being addicted. I hate the term addicted. Obsessed? That's ok, obsession and madness go hand in hand, and we've already determined I'm slightly mad. But addiction... it's just wrong. people look down on it. Bad connotations. However I have similar... problems... with sugar. Simple sugar, nothing illegal about it. However I consume more sugar than anyone should, more sugar and more fat. My body is starting to reflect that. Not so much that you would generally notice, especially since no one loves me and wants to get me naked. However I am doubtless overconsuming sugar. I think that covers my problems with things that "work" to get my body to do the things that it must for me to function. I will overindulge in almost anything that is functional in keeping me feeling alive. Milk, tobacco, benedryl, sugary treats. None of this stuff is "good" for me but it gets the job done of making me FEEL like I'm surviving. Anyway the point is that this is a fledgeling dependency on tobacco, one that can't endure simply because my pocketbook can't take buying tobacco once a week. Even at 5 bucks a hit that's too much. So further cutbacks will be done. These include substituting more healthy varieties (traditional pipe smoking), as well as going at least 3 days a week without smoking. Oh and no smoking due to stressors. Stress related consumption is the cornerstone of addiction.