So I suppose I've had it brought to my attention that I haven't had decent closure about my ex wife, so I'm going to write a letter to her, and that will be it. My plan is to send it to her email, and send her a message on facebook to read the email.
Dear Lindsay,
I know we never talk anymore, and we may never talk again. I realize that this may be my last chance to say how I feel about what happened between us. It may not matter in your case, but it matters to me that it's said. I don't know how to fully express the anger that I feel towards you for what you did to me and my life. You lied to me, you broke a solemn promise in front of me and in front of God. So did your family for that matter but I never cared for them much anyway. I tried to, but we know how that went. You knew how seriously I took promises. Not saying I kept all of mine, and I know I did not do everything perfectly. But that does not excuse what you did. Nothing does. I've been working on forgiving you for my health, but if it were not for that I would hate you until the end of my days for what you did. You took my heart, my innocence and my trust. You took my money and my time. Worst of all after you wounded me terribly you were never once genuinely sorry for what you did. I don't know how someone ends up in a position where they can do what you did and not be sorry, maybe it's the culture we live in, maybe it's part of your morality. But it was not acceptable to me. You have left a mark on my life that can never be removed.
Another thing I want to address is that you hurt my family. They brought you into their lives with the expectation that you were't going anywhere. And then when I tried to work things out with you, you insulted them. Hurting me is one thing, hurting those I love is something entirely different. They were the ones who picked up the pieces after my life fell apart. They have been supportive of whatever decisions I make, including when I considered making it work between us. Because that is what FAMILY does. You never understood that we were family, I would have supported you under any circumstances, but you did not extend the same compassion for me.
I want you to always remember that this was all your doing. You cheated, you left, and you found another man to love before our marriage was even officially over. I was almost ready to deal with that and you married him, without even considering my feelings on the matter. Of course I realize you never considered my feelings on any matters because it was your belief that I should have none. I was never made of stone. What you did in marrying someone, especially someone who obviously was everything that I'm not says something about your character.... or lack there of. But you're happy now, so obviously all this has worked out well for you. You've lost the weight you wanted to lose, and you have a man who was willing to support you financially while you did what you want. That's great. I guess it's still bitterness in my blood that I want to attack you for how unattractive you were/are, or for all the little things that I let go because I thought I meant something to you. Now that it's clear that I don't mean anything to you I wish I could feed you back some of your own medicine, but I suppose I don't have a heart for it. We could have worked through our problems, but that was too hard for you. I eventually DID solve my career problems, with no help from you.
For the past two years almost I have had to come to terms with that the woman I loved died the day you went out and found another man to cheat on me with. I never believed in cheating to begin with because I thought it was a nasty horrible thing to be unfaithful, especially to a spouse. Now I have even more problems with cheating, because I've been on the receiving end. So I suppose thank you for that. I should have yelled at you about that. I was too hurt to tell you how horrible you were for doing that. Also for not supporting me while I was trying to figure out what to do next. But supportive isn't you.
I do have some things to thank you for. Helping me get this house is one (yes we will get this straightened out sooner or later.) I did learn things from you, and I have some great memories from the time before it all went to hell. For being my first, and that gave me quite a bit. I gained confidence after all this. You gave me something to compare other women to, in which I can see much better what sort of woman might be right for me. I learned so much after you left about what matters to me, and about who I am. The things that I gave up to try and make us work turned out being more important than I thought. I realized that you were trying to turn me into something I'm not and eventually you pushed me farther than I was able to go. I realize I was probably doing some of that to you, or you were doing it to yourself. You never believed me that I found you beautiful, or that you could be yourself and I would love that person, but it was true at the time. I did love you, with all my ability. I never cheated on you. I don't know if I ever told you but I did get a chance once. Sometimes even now I wonder about that road untraveled. I have not found love again, or at least not anything like what you did, and now that wasted opportunity weighs on me. I didn't start wondering until after it was all over with us.
You altered my feelings on relationships irreversibly. For example you made me realize that I deserved better than what you did to me. At the time I thought that was a great thing, but on reflection at many times in my journey I have started to wonder if what we were is the best women could give me.... and made me wonder if I should be with men because I have known men who are more trustworthy than you are... of course I can say now that I think I have met women who are more trustworthy and faithful. But you did crush much of my trust and hope in your gender. I've started to realize that all I can really hope for or expect from a woman is that I get good memories at the time I'm with her. Marriage and children require two people who are willing and capable of making a life long commitment. You completely and without a shadow of a doubt proved that you could not follow through on that. I could have. If you hadn't done what you did, which I'm certain now you did to wreck us, I would have grown old with you. I would have had children with you. I would have even joined the military if that had been what it took to make us work. But your commitment meant so little to you that you would rather go find someone "better". I hope he is. I hope it was worth it. I hope you never look back and regret a moment. Because you filled my life with regrets, in every moment I spent believing in you, that I married you, bought this house (it's been a mixed blessing), bought the car that was meant to be a family car... and now I may never have a family. You promised what you couldn't give. I mean I guess I shouldn't have been surprised, because I have yet to meet a more lost and not in touch woman than you.
It doesn't shock me that we could never be friends, and it shouldn't shock you. After all you did to me I can barely be cordial with you. And you obviously have no respect for me at all. I'm still trying to figure out if you were lying to me every time you said that you loved me. I mean how huge was this deception? Did you even find me attractive or was it all about the guilt you felt that I had fallen for you, and that we had given ourselves to each other before the wedding? Where you ever even really happy with us or was it all a lie? I was happy, but I've learned quite well that my perception and reality are very different. The most obvious example was when everyone dropped out of our wedding. They said it was because they felt like we shouldn't get married. I always thought that was because of my immorality, or my issues, I never dreamed it was because you were unstable. I wish someone other than my best man had put it that way. He told me you would take and take until I didn't have anymore. Man, hit the nail on the head didn't he? And then when I didn't have anymore, or so you believed, you moved on. Like some sort of human locust.... I shouldn't say such things.... but at some point someone needs to tell you the unvarnished truth of this story. I haven't killed myself yet, but I've lost count of the number of times I would have rather you poisoned my food one night rather than what you did to me. You left me broken dead and alone, without anyone for support but my family, and the man you left there died. As far as who I am now it's the man that came out of that rebirth. The man you married is gone, he's not coming back.
I'm sorry that it ended this way. From now on it will be all business again.
For the last time,
Love,
Max
Dear Lindsay,
I know we never talk anymore, and we may never talk again. I realize that this may be my last chance to say how I feel about what happened between us. It may not matter in your case, but it matters to me that it's said. I don't know how to fully express the anger that I feel towards you for what you did to me and my life. You lied to me, you broke a solemn promise in front of me and in front of God. So did your family for that matter but I never cared for them much anyway. I tried to, but we know how that went. You knew how seriously I took promises. Not saying I kept all of mine, and I know I did not do everything perfectly. But that does not excuse what you did. Nothing does. I've been working on forgiving you for my health, but if it were not for that I would hate you until the end of my days for what you did. You took my heart, my innocence and my trust. You took my money and my time. Worst of all after you wounded me terribly you were never once genuinely sorry for what you did. I don't know how someone ends up in a position where they can do what you did and not be sorry, maybe it's the culture we live in, maybe it's part of your morality. But it was not acceptable to me. You have left a mark on my life that can never be removed.
Another thing I want to address is that you hurt my family. They brought you into their lives with the expectation that you were't going anywhere. And then when I tried to work things out with you, you insulted them. Hurting me is one thing, hurting those I love is something entirely different. They were the ones who picked up the pieces after my life fell apart. They have been supportive of whatever decisions I make, including when I considered making it work between us. Because that is what FAMILY does. You never understood that we were family, I would have supported you under any circumstances, but you did not extend the same compassion for me.
I want you to always remember that this was all your doing. You cheated, you left, and you found another man to love before our marriage was even officially over. I was almost ready to deal with that and you married him, without even considering my feelings on the matter. Of course I realize you never considered my feelings on any matters because it was your belief that I should have none. I was never made of stone. What you did in marrying someone, especially someone who obviously was everything that I'm not says something about your character.... or lack there of. But you're happy now, so obviously all this has worked out well for you. You've lost the weight you wanted to lose, and you have a man who was willing to support you financially while you did what you want. That's great. I guess it's still bitterness in my blood that I want to attack you for how unattractive you were/are, or for all the little things that I let go because I thought I meant something to you. Now that it's clear that I don't mean anything to you I wish I could feed you back some of your own medicine, but I suppose I don't have a heart for it. We could have worked through our problems, but that was too hard for you. I eventually DID solve my career problems, with no help from you.
For the past two years almost I have had to come to terms with that the woman I loved died the day you went out and found another man to cheat on me with. I never believed in cheating to begin with because I thought it was a nasty horrible thing to be unfaithful, especially to a spouse. Now I have even more problems with cheating, because I've been on the receiving end. So I suppose thank you for that. I should have yelled at you about that. I was too hurt to tell you how horrible you were for doing that. Also for not supporting me while I was trying to figure out what to do next. But supportive isn't you.
I do have some things to thank you for. Helping me get this house is one (yes we will get this straightened out sooner or later.) I did learn things from you, and I have some great memories from the time before it all went to hell. For being my first, and that gave me quite a bit. I gained confidence after all this. You gave me something to compare other women to, in which I can see much better what sort of woman might be right for me. I learned so much after you left about what matters to me, and about who I am. The things that I gave up to try and make us work turned out being more important than I thought. I realized that you were trying to turn me into something I'm not and eventually you pushed me farther than I was able to go. I realize I was probably doing some of that to you, or you were doing it to yourself. You never believed me that I found you beautiful, or that you could be yourself and I would love that person, but it was true at the time. I did love you, with all my ability. I never cheated on you. I don't know if I ever told you but I did get a chance once. Sometimes even now I wonder about that road untraveled. I have not found love again, or at least not anything like what you did, and now that wasted opportunity weighs on me. I didn't start wondering until after it was all over with us.
You altered my feelings on relationships irreversibly. For example you made me realize that I deserved better than what you did to me. At the time I thought that was a great thing, but on reflection at many times in my journey I have started to wonder if what we were is the best women could give me.... and made me wonder if I should be with men because I have known men who are more trustworthy than you are... of course I can say now that I think I have met women who are more trustworthy and faithful. But you did crush much of my trust and hope in your gender. I've started to realize that all I can really hope for or expect from a woman is that I get good memories at the time I'm with her. Marriage and children require two people who are willing and capable of making a life long commitment. You completely and without a shadow of a doubt proved that you could not follow through on that. I could have. If you hadn't done what you did, which I'm certain now you did to wreck us, I would have grown old with you. I would have had children with you. I would have even joined the military if that had been what it took to make us work. But your commitment meant so little to you that you would rather go find someone "better". I hope he is. I hope it was worth it. I hope you never look back and regret a moment. Because you filled my life with regrets, in every moment I spent believing in you, that I married you, bought this house (it's been a mixed blessing), bought the car that was meant to be a family car... and now I may never have a family. You promised what you couldn't give. I mean I guess I shouldn't have been surprised, because I have yet to meet a more lost and not in touch woman than you.
It doesn't shock me that we could never be friends, and it shouldn't shock you. After all you did to me I can barely be cordial with you. And you obviously have no respect for me at all. I'm still trying to figure out if you were lying to me every time you said that you loved me. I mean how huge was this deception? Did you even find me attractive or was it all about the guilt you felt that I had fallen for you, and that we had given ourselves to each other before the wedding? Where you ever even really happy with us or was it all a lie? I was happy, but I've learned quite well that my perception and reality are very different. The most obvious example was when everyone dropped out of our wedding. They said it was because they felt like we shouldn't get married. I always thought that was because of my immorality, or my issues, I never dreamed it was because you were unstable. I wish someone other than my best man had put it that way. He told me you would take and take until I didn't have anymore. Man, hit the nail on the head didn't he? And then when I didn't have anymore, or so you believed, you moved on. Like some sort of human locust.... I shouldn't say such things.... but at some point someone needs to tell you the unvarnished truth of this story. I haven't killed myself yet, but I've lost count of the number of times I would have rather you poisoned my food one night rather than what you did to me. You left me broken dead and alone, without anyone for support but my family, and the man you left there died. As far as who I am now it's the man that came out of that rebirth. The man you married is gone, he's not coming back.
I'm sorry that it ended this way. From now on it will be all business again.
For the last time,
Love,
Max
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