So I'd like to note that most of these issues are bugs with me (and in case you didn't know so is most of my angst lately). To begin with I'd like to deal with what I woke up to today. I woke up dreaming that somehow I had been tricked into cheating on my girlfriend and had to tell her. It seemed so real that I really had no idea how I was going to tell her... especially considering that I don't cheat. In the dream a girl that I had been passingly interested in a year ago decided to seduce me. Which I have to admit that in the dream came off as relatively pleasurable in the short term. Because I'm not really that sexually active there is a weakness there of me being unsatisfied. A perceptive woman could easily see this. Now this is not me writing up an excuse for me to go do this unspeakable act... far from it actually. I am recognizing a hole in my armor and trying to devise a strategy to defend it. For now as with many of the issues related to things moving "too slow" from my perception the only solution is to be strong. *sigh* not exactly my strongest talent.
Frankly I'm not feeling very optimistic. But I am completely trusting her in what she says that sooner or later she'll get around to acting like she feels something for me. If not.... when she goes home I guess it would be over. Sometimes I think she's just doomed to be the one that got away. I mean here I am, supposedly having her, I don't feel very secure about her feelings for me. I'm jealous of many of the men in her past. Yeah, that's uncharacteristic of me to be jealous of anyone. I thought I was better than that. Apparently not. It's that she talks about having this great connection with so many of them. And what connection do we have? I haven't a clue. I mean I care more about her than most (if not all) of the girls in my past. The way it should be. But where do I stand in her heart? I refer back to my previous post, I don't think I rank highly. I trust her, but she's still spending time around a man who seems adept at seducing her. And how do I perform at seduction in this relationship? Horribly. I didn't used to feel unattractive but I'm not feeling particularly hot right now. I mean if I believe her it's all about her trying not to feel suicidal (aren't we a pair?), or that it's about her issues that she has to work through. I suppose that might be true.
Maybe the appropriate song for me today is this:
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/xfeys7Jfnx8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
Sadly for my potential offspring I generally fail at being a bad guy.
Frankly I'm not feeling very optimistic. But I am completely trusting her in what she says that sooner or later she'll get around to acting like she feels something for me. If not.... when she goes home I guess it would be over. Sometimes I think she's just doomed to be the one that got away. I mean here I am, supposedly having her, I don't feel very secure about her feelings for me. I'm jealous of many of the men in her past. Yeah, that's uncharacteristic of me to be jealous of anyone. I thought I was better than that. Apparently not. It's that she talks about having this great connection with so many of them. And what connection do we have? I haven't a clue. I mean I care more about her than most (if not all) of the girls in my past. The way it should be. But where do I stand in her heart? I refer back to my previous post, I don't think I rank highly. I trust her, but she's still spending time around a man who seems adept at seducing her. And how do I perform at seduction in this relationship? Horribly. I didn't used to feel unattractive but I'm not feeling particularly hot right now. I mean if I believe her it's all about her trying not to feel suicidal (aren't we a pair?), or that it's about her issues that she has to work through. I suppose that might be true.
Maybe the appropriate song for me today is this:
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/xfeys7Jfnx8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
Sadly for my potential offspring I generally fail at being a bad guy.
No comments:
Post a Comment