Day 2: why did you choose recovery?
That's a weird damn question. For me that's like asking "why did you decide to keep breathing?' The answer is simple: I don't have it in me to buy a gun and shoot myself, not if there are other options. So I don't have it in me to live with depression the way I was experiencing it. I didn't have it in me to go into another relationship like my 1st marriage. I don't have the strength to live with two panic attacks a day.
I know my limits. One time was all I could take being betrayed like that. I won't be EVER again. Even if I were to divorce again, being blindsided like before is impossible. Even if I deal with depression deeper, I know it's a warped reality. Same for panic attacks.
I choose to continue because I'm not satisfied yet. I'm not completely insulated against my problem yet. I don't know what totally better looks like, but not this.
That's a weird damn question. For me that's like asking "why did you decide to keep breathing?' The answer is simple: I don't have it in me to buy a gun and shoot myself, not if there are other options. So I don't have it in me to live with depression the way I was experiencing it. I didn't have it in me to go into another relationship like my 1st marriage. I don't have the strength to live with two panic attacks a day.
I know my limits. One time was all I could take being betrayed like that. I won't be EVER again. Even if I were to divorce again, being blindsided like before is impossible. Even if I deal with depression deeper, I know it's a warped reality. Same for panic attacks.
I choose to continue because I'm not satisfied yet. I'm not completely insulated against my problem yet. I don't know what totally better looks like, but not this.
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