So... sick again... not to the point I'm not able to work, but enough to mess with me.
It appears to be the heat, and it makes my stomach hurt which in turn keeps me from eating like I should. I've pushed pretty hard so far this week (still can't believe only two days down), I haven't missed a minute of work, my breaks have come when I wanted them.
Anyway hurt stomach (or any extreme pain at this point) leads to praying myself to sleep. I don't remember how it came to this but last night before I went to sleep I came upon some scripture (probably Jeremiah 29, since it's posted by my bed) and the words jumped out
"I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."
I don't know if I have shared my personal feelings about Oklahoma. I was born in Dallas Texas, and never liked the idea of moving to Oklahoma. Tulsa is a big city, but compared to Dallas? No comparison. The weather is better, and that's about it. Well, maybe traffic. You know what don't get into it with me and traffic (I was rear ended last week).
Anyway, I didn't like Oklahoma much to start with. My teen years made it abundantly clear that people like me did in fact have a place in the universe:not Oklahoma. It wasn't just one thing either. Could it have been:
Being told Democrats don't go to heaven at church?
Not to be curious about science because "God has that figured out" at a Christian school?
Being exorcised, twice?
Substandard education facilities but by God we've got the best football in the country?
Maybe it was the weather (impossibly hot in the summer, ice in the winter), maybe it was the economy (either dirt poor or filthy rich), but mostly it was the religious right. It was living in a city built on televangelism. Home of name it and claim it.
Anyway, haven't been a fan. Now when I got married and decided to settle down.... I guess I must have come to peace with the place. There are good things here, mostly swimming and cycling. If she had been faithful... if the marriage had lasted... who knows?
But as soon as she left my only prayer was this: escape.
Even now when I have come to some peace I can't ignore the fact that on every street corner there are horrible memories. This is the environment I died and came back in.
It has always made sense that given the both literal and figurative salvation that is promised biblically, God would be just as interested as I am as to getting me out of here. I might have set my sights high.... oh well. I've learned.
The point is my light is that: he said he would bring back those he has sent into exile. I believe that on some level that attitude still lives. God still frees the trapped, and oh boy am I. I've been having daydreams..... With God you never know. He's quiet for an awfully long while, long enough that it feels like he never spoke or acted at all. Then he's there, larger than life, moving around the guts of your personal universe. No one else could, and no one else has the remarkable vision to understand what needs to be done. Days are coming, for everything a season and for him to move large obstacles there is a season as well, and it is ahead.
It appears to be the heat, and it makes my stomach hurt which in turn keeps me from eating like I should. I've pushed pretty hard so far this week (still can't believe only two days down), I haven't missed a minute of work, my breaks have come when I wanted them.
Anyway hurt stomach (or any extreme pain at this point) leads to praying myself to sleep. I don't remember how it came to this but last night before I went to sleep I came upon some scripture (probably Jeremiah 29, since it's posted by my bed) and the words jumped out
"I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."
I don't know if I have shared my personal feelings about Oklahoma. I was born in Dallas Texas, and never liked the idea of moving to Oklahoma. Tulsa is a big city, but compared to Dallas? No comparison. The weather is better, and that's about it. Well, maybe traffic. You know what don't get into it with me and traffic (I was rear ended last week).
Anyway, I didn't like Oklahoma much to start with. My teen years made it abundantly clear that people like me did in fact have a place in the universe:not Oklahoma. It wasn't just one thing either. Could it have been:
Being told Democrats don't go to heaven at church?
Not to be curious about science because "God has that figured out" at a Christian school?
Being exorcised, twice?
Substandard education facilities but by God we've got the best football in the country?
Maybe it was the weather (impossibly hot in the summer, ice in the winter), maybe it was the economy (either dirt poor or filthy rich), but mostly it was the religious right. It was living in a city built on televangelism. Home of name it and claim it.
Anyway, haven't been a fan. Now when I got married and decided to settle down.... I guess I must have come to peace with the place. There are good things here, mostly swimming and cycling. If she had been faithful... if the marriage had lasted... who knows?
But as soon as she left my only prayer was this: escape.
Even now when I have come to some peace I can't ignore the fact that on every street corner there are horrible memories. This is the environment I died and came back in.
It has always made sense that given the both literal and figurative salvation that is promised biblically, God would be just as interested as I am as to getting me out of here. I might have set my sights high.... oh well. I've learned.
The point is my light is that: he said he would bring back those he has sent into exile. I believe that on some level that attitude still lives. God still frees the trapped, and oh boy am I. I've been having daydreams..... With God you never know. He's quiet for an awfully long while, long enough that it feels like he never spoke or acted at all. Then he's there, larger than life, moving around the guts of your personal universe. No one else could, and no one else has the remarkable vision to understand what needs to be done. Days are coming, for everything a season and for him to move large obstacles there is a season as well, and it is ahead.
No comments:
Post a Comment