Day 1: What are you recovering from? Tell us everything you know about it.
It's hard to narrow down, which tells me I haven't been in group therapy in awhile. I remember when I did my intro in group and that lasted longer than my reflection.
It all started with recovery from dysfunctional relationships, and from my divorce. Along the way I picked up depression and anxiety. I have also at various times had some bad habits in the areas of drugs and irresponsible behavior (for me, others don't consider it that bad).
So, what do I know about divorce? I can only give you a religious answer, because legally I still don't get it. In basic terms it's when you make an undying vow and decide to break it. In my case I think she made that decision.... but I suspect she blames me as well. The truth is it was a mistake ever to marry her. I really should have listened to others who said I was too young. I don't think I was too young to love someone like that, or understand the permanence of the vows. I was too young to be skeptical enough of her. I was too young to see betrayal in front of my face. I was too young to hurt the way I did.
I know it's a highly personal process. I've known people who rushed back in to something lasting. I get that, losing marriage is very uncomfortable. It seems like someone else could fill the hole. In my case they can't. No one else could ever have been Lindsay to me. She was all that she could ever have been to me. I lost her, and even though I tried there was no getting her back. I moved on my way. I sunk into depression and examined myself. I understood that she started the split, but having spent previous time in recovery I knew I played a part.
Anyway I am currently in my first stable happy relationship since losing Lindsay. We are engaged and it looks like will be married in time. I'm still in the process of learning to trust again, and learning my role in making things work.
What do I know about depression? Oh, so much. Depression is a black hole of energy. For me it is sadness that is deeper than sadness. Like if you get hit so hard you are numb. I spent the first year sleeping, doing drugs and watching movies. Then I came back to the world. It's been an ongoing fight for 5 years.
At present I have to work to know when I'm depressed, and often it's subtle. Lately it's been a lack of hope, faith or trust. I'm having a good week on that score.
Anxiety? It's fear. I've been hurt so bad, and no one was there to catch me. I have learned to rely on myself. Anxiety comes when I fail. Anxiety comes when I don't have the resources to cope. Anxiety comes when I don't know how to deal with what is ahead. Or if I get too far ahead of myself.
I'm very zen about it right now.... nothing of importance is bothering me at the moment, but I know I need to improve myself so I don't let someone or something else put me back in that bad place.
It's hard to narrow down, which tells me I haven't been in group therapy in awhile. I remember when I did my intro in group and that lasted longer than my reflection.
It all started with recovery from dysfunctional relationships, and from my divorce. Along the way I picked up depression and anxiety. I have also at various times had some bad habits in the areas of drugs and irresponsible behavior (for me, others don't consider it that bad).
So, what do I know about divorce? I can only give you a religious answer, because legally I still don't get it. In basic terms it's when you make an undying vow and decide to break it. In my case I think she made that decision.... but I suspect she blames me as well. The truth is it was a mistake ever to marry her. I really should have listened to others who said I was too young. I don't think I was too young to love someone like that, or understand the permanence of the vows. I was too young to be skeptical enough of her. I was too young to see betrayal in front of my face. I was too young to hurt the way I did.
I know it's a highly personal process. I've known people who rushed back in to something lasting. I get that, losing marriage is very uncomfortable. It seems like someone else could fill the hole. In my case they can't. No one else could ever have been Lindsay to me. She was all that she could ever have been to me. I lost her, and even though I tried there was no getting her back. I moved on my way. I sunk into depression and examined myself. I understood that she started the split, but having spent previous time in recovery I knew I played a part.
Anyway I am currently in my first stable happy relationship since losing Lindsay. We are engaged and it looks like will be married in time. I'm still in the process of learning to trust again, and learning my role in making things work.
What do I know about depression? Oh, so much. Depression is a black hole of energy. For me it is sadness that is deeper than sadness. Like if you get hit so hard you are numb. I spent the first year sleeping, doing drugs and watching movies. Then I came back to the world. It's been an ongoing fight for 5 years.
At present I have to work to know when I'm depressed, and often it's subtle. Lately it's been a lack of hope, faith or trust. I'm having a good week on that score.
Anxiety? It's fear. I've been hurt so bad, and no one was there to catch me. I have learned to rely on myself. Anxiety comes when I fail. Anxiety comes when I don't have the resources to cope. Anxiety comes when I don't know how to deal with what is ahead. Or if I get too far ahead of myself.
I'm very zen about it right now.... nothing of importance is bothering me at the moment, but I know I need to improve myself so I don't let someone or something else put me back in that bad place.
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