a moment of supreme frustrating doubt

I know what my folks would say, they would say I should sleep because I need sleep. Well by that logic I should eat, because eating keeps me alive. I should go to work constantly because work produces results and results make the world better. Yes logic is easy when you take out pain and frustration.

I can totally explain God's goodness with this logical bit: If I have seen God's goodness I cannot deny his love. If I have seen God's power I cannot deny it exists. If I believe that he has this personal love for me and have experienced it I must logically assume that he will use what power he has to effect things for my good.

But then there is the moment in which what is good for me is not what I want. I am in agony right now, emotionally, physically, I cannot stand this place I am in and I long for oblivion and death. I would rather not exist than be here. Yet I have been cursed to exist as such. Which comes to an argument I had today with my mom. She said  "wake up in the morning and thank God for blessing you with another day to live". You do not understand, as I told her. Another day to live is another day in pain. I know he COULD liberate me that day, but what are the odds?

I have been waiting on him for months while throwing myself passionately against the problems in my life. Now I am standing and waiting, surrendering my life to him. It HURTS. I see no sign it will ever stop except for when I get really lucky and pass on. That's the best it gets for poor and depressed people.

anyway I found this while searching for "is he capable but not willing?" which is my biggest faith question. I have heard it said many times and believed it to be true that he is all powerful. I know he loves me. I know he has a plan for my life. The bible SAYS that he will answer all our prayers that we bring to him through supplication. Yet here I am, waiting to die because the only future I hoped for was whisked away and God has nothing for me here.

I can logically conclude no other thing. Because if he is all powerful, he can do it. If he is loving he will take care of me. If he cares about my feelings he would lead me out of agony. No, all I hear is "accept that this is it and your life is over", Ok, Done. I'm ready to die. Haven't shopped for a coffin yet, because that would be morbid.

anyway I found this argument against his existance and though I believe he exists, the points are strong for my position.

Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? 
Then he is not omnipotent. 
Is he able, but not willing? 
Then he is malevolent. 
Is he both able and willing? 
Then whence cometh evil? 
Is he neither able nor willing? 
Then why call him God?