the mundane

I relit my pilot light this morning, it's the most proud of myself I've been when the heater came on and that wonderful warm air came up out of my vents. We have to take joy in the little things. I'd say take joy in the big things but I don't have big things in my life to take joy in, save from faith that a better day is coming. We are flesh creatures, and we need real world good things. Sometimes the only good thing I can find is washing a dish, or getting my furnace running, or fixing my phone myself, or getting my printer working. Yes all of these have been things I have done on a budget of zero in the last few days.

I don't know how I feel right now. I have prayed, had faith, and here I sit waiting on him. Every night when I'm trying to go to sleep I feel like shooting myself. Every morning I feel like maybe today is the day things will change. Like cresting waves my hope rises and falls. Right now I don't know what to think. The problem is his timing means it could be any time now, or it could be years from now. I have to trust him that his timing is good enough. I have to keep searching for him and seeking him even though my life seems so worthless and hopeless right now.

I know these are just attacks from the enemy. I know this is just another field of testing. He knows I can be strong for him while fighting, but can I be strong for him while standing my ground and waiting. I can do this. All I have to do is be still and hold my faith, even when the winds and storms try to remove it.