This isn't about that no one cares about me, seriously, that's not what is going on. My parents and girlfriend are wonderful people who care about me more than anyone should. Seriously.
I'm just so sick of not mattering. It's not a matter of not being treated well, everyone who can take care of me is TRYING to get me better. It's a matter of how God and the world treat me. I've asked, I've fucking BEGGED God to do something, anything to change things. Things haven't changed.
I'm playing a saturday night service running in the background, so if I quote it, it's from victory tulsa saturday night service... cool?
"God is not finished with me yet"
ok, where is the fucking evidence for that? Sometimes God must be finished with someone. How does he communicate that to us? Does he let us die? Maybe not. Maybe he just leaves us stranded waiting to die. Now let's look for scripture.
How is that? actual scriptural basis for this shit:
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. (Philippians 1:6 ESV)
There are SO many things in this that are contrary to my life in christ..... if you can call it life, it's more like the end of my fucking life.... as we wait for it, let's take this apart.
"I am sure of this"
The writer is so sure of what he is about to say. I can't imagine a level of God being there that suffices for me to be sure of his love. I am so far from seeing that. If there anything I can say for sure right now it is that I am not sure of what value or purpose God has in placing me in this place. He has shown how little value he has for me by completely allowing the enemy to have total hold over my life. In his eyes I cannot imagine me holding value.
"God will bless you because you are hated" PFFFT!
Let's try and bring this down to understandable terms. While I do this I admit that God's ways are higher than my ways, and his thoughts higher than my thoughts. If God so wills as to correct or instill better wisdom in me let that be the way it is.
Imagine there was a very very wealthy man. This is a man who has the resources to do whatever he wants, literally. This man buys two cars. One car is a limited edition rare sports car. He pays a high price at auction for this car. He values this car so much he puts his own personal time into fixing it up, he cleans it daily, he parks it in a temperature controlled garage and cherishes it as a true example of beauty.
Let's talk about the second car. This car has some miles on it, it's old, it's not looking that great. Well, he only bought it on a whim, and he's spending all this time and effort on the first car. He leaves the second car in the care of a servant known to be reckless. He lets that car get wrecked, and leaves it out on the lawn to the wind and the weather, the storms rust that car until it is not even recognizable as a car.
Which car does he value? Which car matters to the rich man? Does he have fucking plans for the second car, when he cares SO LITTLE that he lets all manner of damage happen to it? Which car do you think you are to God? If you go to church they want you to buy into that you are the first car. We can't all be a limited edition. We can't all be Martin Luther, JFK, Ghandi, or the Pope. Some of us probably don't matter.
So what? What now?
I'm just so sick of not mattering. It's not a matter of not being treated well, everyone who can take care of me is TRYING to get me better. It's a matter of how God and the world treat me. I've asked, I've fucking BEGGED God to do something, anything to change things. Things haven't changed.
I'm playing a saturday night service running in the background, so if I quote it, it's from victory tulsa saturday night service... cool?
"God is not finished with me yet"
ok, where is the fucking evidence for that? Sometimes God must be finished with someone. How does he communicate that to us? Does he let us die? Maybe not. Maybe he just leaves us stranded waiting to die. Now let's look for scripture.
How is that? actual scriptural basis for this shit:
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. (Philippians 1:6 ESV)
There are SO many things in this that are contrary to my life in christ..... if you can call it life, it's more like the end of my fucking life.... as we wait for it, let's take this apart.
"I am sure of this"
The writer is so sure of what he is about to say. I can't imagine a level of God being there that suffices for me to be sure of his love. I am so far from seeing that. If there anything I can say for sure right now it is that I am not sure of what value or purpose God has in placing me in this place. He has shown how little value he has for me by completely allowing the enemy to have total hold over my life. In his eyes I cannot imagine me holding value.
"God will bless you because you are hated" PFFFT!
Let's try and bring this down to understandable terms. While I do this I admit that God's ways are higher than my ways, and his thoughts higher than my thoughts. If God so wills as to correct or instill better wisdom in me let that be the way it is.
Imagine there was a very very wealthy man. This is a man who has the resources to do whatever he wants, literally. This man buys two cars. One car is a limited edition rare sports car. He pays a high price at auction for this car. He values this car so much he puts his own personal time into fixing it up, he cleans it daily, he parks it in a temperature controlled garage and cherishes it as a true example of beauty.
Let's talk about the second car. This car has some miles on it, it's old, it's not looking that great. Well, he only bought it on a whim, and he's spending all this time and effort on the first car. He leaves the second car in the care of a servant known to be reckless. He lets that car get wrecked, and leaves it out on the lawn to the wind and the weather, the storms rust that car until it is not even recognizable as a car.
Which car does he value? Which car matters to the rich man? Does he have fucking plans for the second car, when he cares SO LITTLE that he lets all manner of damage happen to it? Which car do you think you are to God? If you go to church they want you to buy into that you are the first car. We can't all be a limited edition. We can't all be Martin Luther, JFK, Ghandi, or the Pope. Some of us probably don't matter.
So what? What now?
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