Monday, March 3, 2014

The Journey: Here I stand.

Here I stand at a dead end in my path.
I've deduced every clue and extracted all the data from my journey so far.
I've checked all the maps, read all the books.
I've studied at the feet of many men who have crossed through this area before.
Yet here I am wondering what I missed. What sign have I missed?
Did I take a wrong turn?
Where was the clear path I thought I had?
Where is my guide? Where is the one I believed would show me the way?
I stand in the wildnerness with no road forward.
The path behind me lies torn apart for clues as to where I'm going. I knew where I was going back then, what happened to that certainty?
Was I uneducated as to the risks?
Did I not prepare?
How did I get so lost?
Here I stand. The bible says that when you have done all you can to fight you should stand. So I'm standing today with nowhere to go. No future to hope in. No community to give me stability. There are no traditions that can give me a place and a function. There is no woman who can make it make sense. There's no book and no man who can tell you answers.
From here I have no vantage, and all I see and believe may be proven wrong with the next step. Moving forward where I think it's safe may be even be more deadly than stepping at random.
Nonsense, all is nonsense and screaming against the white void that is infinity. Through meaningless times to meaningless purpose we toil and rage against the pure indifference of heaven. The fecklessness of the wise and the wisdom of the fools. The wonder of power and the powerlessness of wealth. Accept it or not, there's no way forward, no way out. May some wiser guide lead me out of this place. The best way to let help find me is to stand still.
I'm not lost. I know exactly where I am. I know exactly who I am. I'm no different than anyone else. Some think they know where they are going, some don't. Are we going somewhere? I think it's only clear from a higher vantage point.
If there is a way out God will provide it.
If there's a future at all it will be by the grace of God we see it.
I certainly don't have a clue

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