So I figured I'd document what the average panic attack morning is like for me. I'm documenting an internal process for which I recieve no help, sympathy, or treatment. This is the PRIMARY reason my life is screwed up right now.
My average day starts when I wake up with the sun and nightmares. I try to roll back over and calm myself, this NEVER works. Eventually I give up trying to make myself feel better with sleep and get up. Usually attack it again with a drink (coffee or water) and cartoons. Not this morning.... This morning I got my new coat. I got up, started some cider (because my coffee pot is in the wash), changed a tire, packed my bag and drove downtown. To discover that my tablet was at half charge and my phone discharged.... great.
Got breakfast at QT. Drank a can of cold coffee, had intenstinal distress, tried to read and daydream, to no avail. Walked up to Biology, and here I sit. I feel like it's only a matter of time before I freak out and run away. I know it won't solve anything. I also know there is a fair chance he'll spring a pop quiz on us.... and pretend this helps us. Fucking jerk. Oh well, an hour and a half and I'm free....... it's weird the things that comfort me.....
When I'm paranoid about someone following me I generally remind myself that if they are I can always kill them, that's probably not healthy.
My average day starts when I wake up with the sun and nightmares. I try to roll back over and calm myself, this NEVER works. Eventually I give up trying to make myself feel better with sleep and get up. Usually attack it again with a drink (coffee or water) and cartoons. Not this morning.... This morning I got my new coat. I got up, started some cider (because my coffee pot is in the wash), changed a tire, packed my bag and drove downtown. To discover that my tablet was at half charge and my phone discharged.... great.
Got breakfast at QT. Drank a can of cold coffee, had intenstinal distress, tried to read and daydream, to no avail. Walked up to Biology, and here I sit. I feel like it's only a matter of time before I freak out and run away. I know it won't solve anything. I also know there is a fair chance he'll spring a pop quiz on us.... and pretend this helps us. Fucking jerk. Oh well, an hour and a half and I'm free....... it's weird the things that comfort me.....
When I'm paranoid about someone following me I generally remind myself that if they are I can always kill them, that's probably not healthy.
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