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I've been through so many ups and downs over the past few weeks, and today this is EXACTLY where I need to be. We lived through another day, it's a good excuse to celebrate. Take a number knock on wood find a reason to feel good.
I don't remember whether I've shared about the path that this book took me down. The book is called Plan B. Anyway, it made a really valid point that if you are worshiping the dream and not the one who can provide it, you are in idol worship. Look at WHERE your heart is. Not where you say it is, where it actually is. Is it in things? Is it in people? Is it in ideals? All of those are wrong, if you are seeking an authentic relationship with God he demands to be placed first. Look I'm not saying it's easy, or feels good, or even seems that good for you (at least in the way the health movement would say, given you can feel pretty shitty while you're following him). It hurts, it might make you cry. It might shatter your reality and make you question if he even loved you to begin with. Good, now you're really engaging in him.
My current perspective is that if you have to fight to make it work with him, maybe you're finally getting it. It's no SUPPOSED to be easy. Look at David, or Joseph, or even Moses. Did they have it easy? And God showed up for them in a powerful way. When we think we know what is best for us we make ourselves the God in our life. It's a set up for failure. Now I'm not saying I know how it will fail, I just know that there is only one being who really knows what you need completely, and that's him. If anyone else tries, no matter how good their intentions, they'll mess it up.
I had an absolutely great set up. I married a woman I loved and was willing to work to make that work out. I was convinced I had given it all to God. But I hadn't. Because loving her was an idol in my life. I believed it could fix my hurts, and stop the pain. In the end God destroyed it, and you know what? In my heart I think I probably asked for that. I asked to understand him. He wanted me to understand that he comes first. You dig?
So now here I am. Saying to him that he is God in my life, whatever his will is I must abide in it, because I abide in him. I'm still facing up to huge challenges that I can't solve without him. I still need him, and I still need a miracle. But I know at last that I didn't SCREW UP to get here. I'm here because this is where I need to be to draw close to him. It comes back to the cross, and this is what really helped me understand how much control we have to give up. Even Christ in the end had to release control and free fall through the worst pain imaginable to bring about the miracle that saved us all. Pain is part of the process. It's how God shows us we really need him. It's how he shows us who he is.
When Christ got nailed to the cross it had to look pretty bleak. I mean, even to Christ, even to his followers, there had to be a feeling of "what next God?" Then Christ completely fell back on the love of God and gave everything for us. What I want to talk about is Saturday. Friday he died. We all see plenty of those moments in our real lives, don't we? The dream died. The marriage ended. Your loved one gave in and passed away. The friendship ended. You experience setback in your career. God NEVER says he will stop these things from happening.
Now could he? Oh sure he could. The comfort path looks easier, but it is deceptive. What would you learn without the pain? Where would your pride be? Where would your love come from? Saturday is when we need God the most. Saturday, at least I believe, is when faith is built. Look I'm writing this as much for anyone that reads it as for me. I'm processing right now because these are some heavy concepts. We need to worship him, or at least be still and wait for him in the worst moment, in the Saturday of our lives.
Personally I believe that is where I am at present. All my pride has been stripped down, all my hope has been crushed into the dirt. It sure looked like it was over there, for awhile at least. That's part of the test. He loves us so much he lets these tests happen, and he knows or hopes anyway we will still be there on Sunday. Because no matter how dark Saturday is, the morning is coming. God WILL show up in the situation and he does answer prayers. Will it be like you hoped? Probably not. But I think we'll be grateful it wasn't.
God could have saved my marriage. He so absolutely could have. I went through so much doubt because of what happened. You know, I still love her, and I still miss her. But you know what I don't miss? Not knowing who God really is. I was so stupid. I was so hardheaded. I was so weak. God took it all away. HE alone could put me through a cleansing fire and burn away all my selfish pigheaded ways. It took a path that I don't know if anyone should take, but I took it. Because staying alive was the only option I had. I'll say this: I'd rather have lost everything of value to me and learned my true value to God, I'd rather he take the worst thing that has ever happened to me and turn it into a foundation of proof that he loves me, I'd rather lose the world and gain God.
He hasn't shown me my Sunday yet. I don't know where this upswing of faith came from. I don't know how I take another step. But I do. I am so sure I'm following him right now. Because it is hard. The evil one musters his forces, trying to take me down, trying to stop God's amazing power he has put in me, and I survive. Even now he tries to whittle away my hope by trying to keep me from posting this.
Last night I faced a huge challenge. Every day I work I face challenges. But I go on. Even though I cannot STAND it at times, I do what I must do.
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FYI, I love me some Devo. I enjoy worshiping using pop songs, I don't know why I am this way, but I still find God in the most unlikely places. There is a line in this version and I have heard the original version, it isn't in there, so I assume God is finding me new words to say the way I feel. "I must do what I must do, and when I do I feel better." I'm a creature of duty, and doing my duty makes me feel so much better.
I guess the real question I have left is one only he can answer. The question being, will I ever find my nirvana, my shangri-la, my enlightened peace. That I cannot be sure of. I wonder sometimes if such things can only be real in your heart. When I married Lindsay for a brief time I believed in an on earth Shangri La. Just me and her and our love. God above to shine his love upon us and take care of our needs. Then that reality came ripping apart. My heart broke, because my idealistic expectations that joy would endure forever were dashed.
Then for a time I had no responsibility, I got high, had sex, and slept quite a bit. I thought "maybe this is paradise, so many say it is". It was beautiful, in it's way. Someone once said that narcotic drugs are artificial shortcuts to the feelings that enlightenment brings. I would agree. But that time passed as well.
Now here I sit. I know there are no sure things, well apart from God's love. The thing about it is we can't really say for sure how he will show us his love, can we? So while I can tell you that he will bring you peace and joy, I can't say for sure that the storm will stop forever. I'm trying to find a place where it stops, but where I can still love him and be close to him.
The thing about it is, it's not my decision. It's his. The good book says plenty about the abundance of heaven. Many of us have chased it, in vain I'm afraid. It's a good thing, in it's way, because it makes us look to God for our ultimate completion. The thing about it is that it says only after we seek God first will all things be added to us. Sounds easy. It isn't though. Because he knows when we're faking it for the reward. He knows when we are trying to take the short route. Saying "OK God, I love you, I gave you my heart, now take care of me" he says back "If you really gave me your heart you'd know I'm already doing that."
you might, as I have say then "But what about this dream you gave me, if I love you and give you everything, why haven't you given me my dream?" He might then reply "Did you give the dream to me?" Lay down everything before him. Every earthly desire, and watch what he does. If the dream is of him he'll do it, it's his plan to begin with, but he needs your trust more than he needs you to see his glory. Sometimes we have to let go to completely trust in him. Sometimes we need to realize that even though he gave us something great, we can't worship the gift, we worship the giver. Even now in my heart I wish there were some magic words or some button I could press and make the dream he gave me happen, it entices me so. But I still see that he is God. Even if he never gives me my dreams, he still loves me. I need him more than I can ever know.
I want to look at Abraham for a minute. When I was a child my father, who was an ORU grad and sunday school teacher illustrated in graphic terms what it felt like for abraham to deal with what God asked him to do. First of all, Abraham had a dream, and that was to have a son. God gave him SUCH promises, he said that his offspring would outnumber the stars. Abraham had to wait. He didn't do it well, but God STILL delivered Isaac to Abraham. The scripture says that he loved Isaac very much. My father loves me very much, my parents tried for five years to have me, and I know how hard that must have been. Then God asked Abraham to go up to a mountain and sacrifice Isaac as a burnt offering.
Just imagine, your whole world is summed up by the realization of your dream, what is more your dream is a person, and God is saying that he wants you to give the dream back to him. I can so relate. So Abraham takes Isaac up to the mountain to give him back to God. I don't even thing what comes next matters. What matters is that God did this. He wanted to see if Abraham loved God or his gifts more. Abraham showed who he really is when he was tested like this. He went up to the mountain. God said right before the moment of truth to stop. He provided a ram to sacrifice instead. Because it was his plan for Isaac to live. But he wants us to follow him when it doesn't make sense. He wants us to follow him at the expense of all else. Sometimes it takes a painful test to prove it.
God is faithful, and he is good. He will provide you what he promises. He will give you what you need the most. Sometimes it may not seem like it. It may be more than you can handle, actually I know it will, because he wants you to let him handle it. If it wasn't needed he wouldn't do it. I hope this helps.
I've been through so many ups and downs over the past few weeks, and today this is EXACTLY where I need to be. We lived through another day, it's a good excuse to celebrate. Take a number knock on wood find a reason to feel good.
I don't remember whether I've shared about the path that this book took me down. The book is called Plan B. Anyway, it made a really valid point that if you are worshiping the dream and not the one who can provide it, you are in idol worship. Look at WHERE your heart is. Not where you say it is, where it actually is. Is it in things? Is it in people? Is it in ideals? All of those are wrong, if you are seeking an authentic relationship with God he demands to be placed first. Look I'm not saying it's easy, or feels good, or even seems that good for you (at least in the way the health movement would say, given you can feel pretty shitty while you're following him). It hurts, it might make you cry. It might shatter your reality and make you question if he even loved you to begin with. Good, now you're really engaging in him.
My current perspective is that if you have to fight to make it work with him, maybe you're finally getting it. It's no SUPPOSED to be easy. Look at David, or Joseph, or even Moses. Did they have it easy? And God showed up for them in a powerful way. When we think we know what is best for us we make ourselves the God in our life. It's a set up for failure. Now I'm not saying I know how it will fail, I just know that there is only one being who really knows what you need completely, and that's him. If anyone else tries, no matter how good their intentions, they'll mess it up.
I had an absolutely great set up. I married a woman I loved and was willing to work to make that work out. I was convinced I had given it all to God. But I hadn't. Because loving her was an idol in my life. I believed it could fix my hurts, and stop the pain. In the end God destroyed it, and you know what? In my heart I think I probably asked for that. I asked to understand him. He wanted me to understand that he comes first. You dig?
So now here I am. Saying to him that he is God in my life, whatever his will is I must abide in it, because I abide in him. I'm still facing up to huge challenges that I can't solve without him. I still need him, and I still need a miracle. But I know at last that I didn't SCREW UP to get here. I'm here because this is where I need to be to draw close to him. It comes back to the cross, and this is what really helped me understand how much control we have to give up. Even Christ in the end had to release control and free fall through the worst pain imaginable to bring about the miracle that saved us all. Pain is part of the process. It's how God shows us we really need him. It's how he shows us who he is.
When Christ got nailed to the cross it had to look pretty bleak. I mean, even to Christ, even to his followers, there had to be a feeling of "what next God?" Then Christ completely fell back on the love of God and gave everything for us. What I want to talk about is Saturday. Friday he died. We all see plenty of those moments in our real lives, don't we? The dream died. The marriage ended. Your loved one gave in and passed away. The friendship ended. You experience setback in your career. God NEVER says he will stop these things from happening.
Now could he? Oh sure he could. The comfort path looks easier, but it is deceptive. What would you learn without the pain? Where would your pride be? Where would your love come from? Saturday is when we need God the most. Saturday, at least I believe, is when faith is built. Look I'm writing this as much for anyone that reads it as for me. I'm processing right now because these are some heavy concepts. We need to worship him, or at least be still and wait for him in the worst moment, in the Saturday of our lives.
Personally I believe that is where I am at present. All my pride has been stripped down, all my hope has been crushed into the dirt. It sure looked like it was over there, for awhile at least. That's part of the test. He loves us so much he lets these tests happen, and he knows or hopes anyway we will still be there on Sunday. Because no matter how dark Saturday is, the morning is coming. God WILL show up in the situation and he does answer prayers. Will it be like you hoped? Probably not. But I think we'll be grateful it wasn't.
God could have saved my marriage. He so absolutely could have. I went through so much doubt because of what happened. You know, I still love her, and I still miss her. But you know what I don't miss? Not knowing who God really is. I was so stupid. I was so hardheaded. I was so weak. God took it all away. HE alone could put me through a cleansing fire and burn away all my selfish pigheaded ways. It took a path that I don't know if anyone should take, but I took it. Because staying alive was the only option I had. I'll say this: I'd rather have lost everything of value to me and learned my true value to God, I'd rather he take the worst thing that has ever happened to me and turn it into a foundation of proof that he loves me, I'd rather lose the world and gain God.
He hasn't shown me my Sunday yet. I don't know where this upswing of faith came from. I don't know how I take another step. But I do. I am so sure I'm following him right now. Because it is hard. The evil one musters his forces, trying to take me down, trying to stop God's amazing power he has put in me, and I survive. Even now he tries to whittle away my hope by trying to keep me from posting this.
Last night I faced a huge challenge. Every day I work I face challenges. But I go on. Even though I cannot STAND it at times, I do what I must do.
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/8RxZsC9xolY" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
FYI, I love me some Devo. I enjoy worshiping using pop songs, I don't know why I am this way, but I still find God in the most unlikely places. There is a line in this version and I have heard the original version, it isn't in there, so I assume God is finding me new words to say the way I feel. "I must do what I must do, and when I do I feel better." I'm a creature of duty, and doing my duty makes me feel so much better.
I guess the real question I have left is one only he can answer. The question being, will I ever find my nirvana, my shangri-la, my enlightened peace. That I cannot be sure of. I wonder sometimes if such things can only be real in your heart. When I married Lindsay for a brief time I believed in an on earth Shangri La. Just me and her and our love. God above to shine his love upon us and take care of our needs. Then that reality came ripping apart. My heart broke, because my idealistic expectations that joy would endure forever were dashed.
Then for a time I had no responsibility, I got high, had sex, and slept quite a bit. I thought "maybe this is paradise, so many say it is". It was beautiful, in it's way. Someone once said that narcotic drugs are artificial shortcuts to the feelings that enlightenment brings. I would agree. But that time passed as well.
Now here I sit. I know there are no sure things, well apart from God's love. The thing about it is we can't really say for sure how he will show us his love, can we? So while I can tell you that he will bring you peace and joy, I can't say for sure that the storm will stop forever. I'm trying to find a place where it stops, but where I can still love him and be close to him.
The thing about it is, it's not my decision. It's his. The good book says plenty about the abundance of heaven. Many of us have chased it, in vain I'm afraid. It's a good thing, in it's way, because it makes us look to God for our ultimate completion. The thing about it is that it says only after we seek God first will all things be added to us. Sounds easy. It isn't though. Because he knows when we're faking it for the reward. He knows when we are trying to take the short route. Saying "OK God, I love you, I gave you my heart, now take care of me" he says back "If you really gave me your heart you'd know I'm already doing that."
you might, as I have say then "But what about this dream you gave me, if I love you and give you everything, why haven't you given me my dream?" He might then reply "Did you give the dream to me?" Lay down everything before him. Every earthly desire, and watch what he does. If the dream is of him he'll do it, it's his plan to begin with, but he needs your trust more than he needs you to see his glory. Sometimes we have to let go to completely trust in him. Sometimes we need to realize that even though he gave us something great, we can't worship the gift, we worship the giver. Even now in my heart I wish there were some magic words or some button I could press and make the dream he gave me happen, it entices me so. But I still see that he is God. Even if he never gives me my dreams, he still loves me. I need him more than I can ever know.
I want to look at Abraham for a minute. When I was a child my father, who was an ORU grad and sunday school teacher illustrated in graphic terms what it felt like for abraham to deal with what God asked him to do. First of all, Abraham had a dream, and that was to have a son. God gave him SUCH promises, he said that his offspring would outnumber the stars. Abraham had to wait. He didn't do it well, but God STILL delivered Isaac to Abraham. The scripture says that he loved Isaac very much. My father loves me very much, my parents tried for five years to have me, and I know how hard that must have been. Then God asked Abraham to go up to a mountain and sacrifice Isaac as a burnt offering.
Just imagine, your whole world is summed up by the realization of your dream, what is more your dream is a person, and God is saying that he wants you to give the dream back to him. I can so relate. So Abraham takes Isaac up to the mountain to give him back to God. I don't even thing what comes next matters. What matters is that God did this. He wanted to see if Abraham loved God or his gifts more. Abraham showed who he really is when he was tested like this. He went up to the mountain. God said right before the moment of truth to stop. He provided a ram to sacrifice instead. Because it was his plan for Isaac to live. But he wants us to follow him when it doesn't make sense. He wants us to follow him at the expense of all else. Sometimes it takes a painful test to prove it.
God is faithful, and he is good. He will provide you what he promises. He will give you what you need the most. Sometimes it may not seem like it. It may be more than you can handle, actually I know it will, because he wants you to let him handle it. If it wasn't needed he wouldn't do it. I hope this helps.
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