First I guess I'll say it appears I am a success at work. I don't want anyone forgetting that.
Sometimes, for some reason I just sit back and am sad. Today there are a number of reasons. One, I'm still here. A number of problems with that. It means God still hasn't provided a way out. It means my heart is still beating and I'm not dead. I asked God to kill me rather than live this life, but he hasn't done anything on that score yet either.
Laurel is getting married. It's not the first failure I ever experienced in the romantic world, not by a long shot, but it's the first time I really gave my all, really TRIED, and fell flat on my face. If she hadn't rejected me I wouldn't have married Lindsay, I know that.
I loved her right after high school, turns out she never loved me. Which the point has been made isn't really love. I don't care, it still hurt. It still hurts that she found someone better. I guess what really bugs me is that I haven't found someone better. Seven years and I still have no idea where I'm going or what God has planned. I'm sad. But God loves me anyway and I'll take it down as an offering to him.
Here's today's music:
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/Ahha3Cqe_fk" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
That usually makes me cry. Goodbye dreams of a future with Laurel. Goodbye.
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/f5YQkgSaZ38" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
So I'm going to lay this down as an offering to the Lord. I know one way or another he'll let me free someday. Either he'll free me on this earth or he'll let me die and come home to heaven. Honestly I don't care which, I just hope it's soon.
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/Rm5kx3xqmg0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
Sometimes, for some reason I just sit back and am sad. Today there are a number of reasons. One, I'm still here. A number of problems with that. It means God still hasn't provided a way out. It means my heart is still beating and I'm not dead. I asked God to kill me rather than live this life, but he hasn't done anything on that score yet either.
Laurel is getting married. It's not the first failure I ever experienced in the romantic world, not by a long shot, but it's the first time I really gave my all, really TRIED, and fell flat on my face. If she hadn't rejected me I wouldn't have married Lindsay, I know that.
I loved her right after high school, turns out she never loved me. Which the point has been made isn't really love. I don't care, it still hurt. It still hurts that she found someone better. I guess what really bugs me is that I haven't found someone better. Seven years and I still have no idea where I'm going or what God has planned. I'm sad. But God loves me anyway and I'll take it down as an offering to him.
Here's today's music:
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/Ahha3Cqe_fk" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
That usually makes me cry. Goodbye dreams of a future with Laurel. Goodbye.
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/f5YQkgSaZ38" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
So I'm going to lay this down as an offering to the Lord. I know one way or another he'll let me free someday. Either he'll free me on this earth or he'll let me die and come home to heaven. Honestly I don't care which, I just hope it's soon.
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/Rm5kx3xqmg0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
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