so I was reading an article, several articles, on the idea that mothers love their kids more than their husbands.
it was all triggered by a moment in Dragon Ball Z Kai where Chi Chi shows up after this HUGE battle that her husband and son are in, and her son is alright but passed out, and her husband is going to die without medical attention. She picks up her son and goes on and on about how she'll never let him get hurt again. It's funny because it's a parody but if you have a brain it makes you think "is this right? should mothers give their child preferential treatment?"
Being a man my knee jerk reaction is to say no. But I decided to do some reading because knee jerk reactions can be wrong.
Here is what I found:
http://www.mommyish.com/2012/02/08/love-sex-week-i-love-my-kids-more-than-i-love-my-husband-718//
So there are some valid points, but what it all boils down to is evolution (I can hear your virtual sighing of me getting on this bandwagon AGAIN). Human have evolved for thousands of years to believe newer is better. After all, how can we advance the species if our human adults don't go CRAZY trying to protect proto humans (mini humans? the ball is still in the air for a proper term for this). So mothers saying they would pretty much let their husbands die before seeing their child hurt makes sense, from an evolutionary standpoint at any rate. In a minute when I defend my views I'll show the other side of the coin.
Let's talk about cultural standards. There is a mommy culture, at least in america, that says that a mother should do anything and everything for their children. We also have a highly sexist society. The social hierarchy says that men are at the top as far as most independent, most power, but as we go down the ladder women receive more care and support, and of course children at the bottom of the ladder get the highest level of support due to being perceived in our culture as needing constant bucking up and supporting. I will now reveal something that will blow your mind, considering that I said I don't support mothers giving preferential treatment to their children. I give preferential treatment to my children over my family and romantic partner. But my reasoning has to do with need. I work in mental health and my kids are my mission field, my way I serve God. God comes above all in my life and so doing what he has called me to do overrides EVERYTHING else in my life, including my romantic relationship at the present time. This is not as it should be, but never mind, it is as it is.
Back to nail in the point, men are expected to completely take care of themselves and therefor a mother may not realize her husband needs supporting. And there you are.
Now, to the counterpoint. I was raised with debate techniques in my head so I can see both sides of every issue. Point one; If your children are still young enough that they cannot care for themselves they are also still in the phase of life that nature has decided they are more vulnerable towards death. You can accept this or not, it's still true. If your man is a good man, he's your best hope for making more children. Yes making children is hard, but it's how we carry on the species. If you neglect to take care of your man he will not make children with you and therefor your priority system may just slap you in the face.
Point two: parenting is hard, single parenting is harder still. If you neglect or even are hard on your man because you already got his baby juice and now he's just a breadwinner to you, don't think for a moment your marriage will last. Men like being treated as objects about the same as women do, and so if you put your kids above having a healthy marriage, you'll keep what you value.
This is all not to say to neglect your children, it is to remember that your time with your children as your playthings is very short. You will have to let go after 20 or so years. God willing your marriage will last the rest of your life. Just because you are biologically indebted to your children does not mean you have to love them more. It's not biblical for one. Two it's not wise for family dynamics. Three, and this is one to grow on, I will be questioning any woman who wants to marry me on this issue, and trust in this, if they do not plan on loving me more than the kids I will seek other companionship.
And that's one to grow on.
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/054M9aIEenc" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
it was all triggered by a moment in Dragon Ball Z Kai where Chi Chi shows up after this HUGE battle that her husband and son are in, and her son is alright but passed out, and her husband is going to die without medical attention. She picks up her son and goes on and on about how she'll never let him get hurt again. It's funny because it's a parody but if you have a brain it makes you think "is this right? should mothers give their child preferential treatment?"
Being a man my knee jerk reaction is to say no. But I decided to do some reading because knee jerk reactions can be wrong.
Here is what I found:
http://www.mommyish.com/2012/02/08/love-sex-week-i-love-my-kids-more-than-i-love-my-husband-718//
So there are some valid points, but what it all boils down to is evolution (I can hear your virtual sighing of me getting on this bandwagon AGAIN). Human have evolved for thousands of years to believe newer is better. After all, how can we advance the species if our human adults don't go CRAZY trying to protect proto humans (mini humans? the ball is still in the air for a proper term for this). So mothers saying they would pretty much let their husbands die before seeing their child hurt makes sense, from an evolutionary standpoint at any rate. In a minute when I defend my views I'll show the other side of the coin.
Let's talk about cultural standards. There is a mommy culture, at least in america, that says that a mother should do anything and everything for their children. We also have a highly sexist society. The social hierarchy says that men are at the top as far as most independent, most power, but as we go down the ladder women receive more care and support, and of course children at the bottom of the ladder get the highest level of support due to being perceived in our culture as needing constant bucking up and supporting. I will now reveal something that will blow your mind, considering that I said I don't support mothers giving preferential treatment to their children. I give preferential treatment to my children over my family and romantic partner. But my reasoning has to do with need. I work in mental health and my kids are my mission field, my way I serve God. God comes above all in my life and so doing what he has called me to do overrides EVERYTHING else in my life, including my romantic relationship at the present time. This is not as it should be, but never mind, it is as it is.
Back to nail in the point, men are expected to completely take care of themselves and therefor a mother may not realize her husband needs supporting. And there you are.
Now, to the counterpoint. I was raised with debate techniques in my head so I can see both sides of every issue. Point one; If your children are still young enough that they cannot care for themselves they are also still in the phase of life that nature has decided they are more vulnerable towards death. You can accept this or not, it's still true. If your man is a good man, he's your best hope for making more children. Yes making children is hard, but it's how we carry on the species. If you neglect to take care of your man he will not make children with you and therefor your priority system may just slap you in the face.
Point two: parenting is hard, single parenting is harder still. If you neglect or even are hard on your man because you already got his baby juice and now he's just a breadwinner to you, don't think for a moment your marriage will last. Men like being treated as objects about the same as women do, and so if you put your kids above having a healthy marriage, you'll keep what you value.
This is all not to say to neglect your children, it is to remember that your time with your children as your playthings is very short. You will have to let go after 20 or so years. God willing your marriage will last the rest of your life. Just because you are biologically indebted to your children does not mean you have to love them more. It's not biblical for one. Two it's not wise for family dynamics. Three, and this is one to grow on, I will be questioning any woman who wants to marry me on this issue, and trust in this, if they do not plan on loving me more than the kids I will seek other companionship.
And that's one to grow on.
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/054M9aIEenc" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
No comments:
Post a Comment