uncomfortable questions that I need answers for

So I am involved in a fervent quest for answers to my questions. I bring them here because I think that someone else must have the same questions.

First of all, is it God's will for good things to happen in my life?
Look, I can say without a doubt he loves me. That isn't what I am asking.
I know without a doubt that he has the POWER to change my life so it isn't agony.
I know that he eventually will make things better. HOWEVER, it may not be in this world. The book says PLENTY on him loving us and wanting to give us good things. The thing is, that could mean after we die. I am finding more and more saying that life is short term, and death is the release. So why don't christians kill themselves. If we take a scripture and what God is doing approach we have to accept that God wills us to go through trials and pains to test our faith. Why? Fuck if I know, he's God, he does shit. Or sometimes he DOESN'T do shit. But just because he doesn't do shit sometimes doesn't mean he loves us any less, saavy?

It just means that it's a different kind of love. He is totally okay with us going through temporary pain if it exhibits his glory effectively. So, at least so far I have no findings to support that living is a good thing. No verse in the bible backs it up. Life will suck for some people and not so much for others, there is no justice in this. There is no logic, good people suffer as well as bad. He just wants us not to hurt others while we are in trial. He wants us to take the hit over and over like a man and not spit blood on the people he is busy blessing.

Disprove me, PLEASE. I hate this conclusion. I hate life as it exists for me as well. However there is no comfort for the pain deep in my heart in realizing that perhaps it's not going to end, perhaps death is the only release. I can't kill myself because that would hurt people, you see? Living is the most clever prison ever devised for a compassionate loving creature. You can't leave, and it's not getting better. Sucks doesn't it? Don't you wish God would let you die? Well, he can't do that, not in his nature..... Well, he can do that, but most likely he won't do that. I've been asking for years and as you can see by my continued posts I haven't received the gift of death.