I finally got my computer replaced. So I'm back. I realize I never said I was gone, sorry, still no time machine to correct that one. I want to dive into the topic I've been thinking about, sort of break in the new computer (nicknamed Dragon).
What got this all started was when I was taking something apart, a social phenomena. I was puzzling my way through it and I realized this was my process:
1: What is the thing that is confusing me, is it social, moral, or political?
2: If it is moral then what are the grounds for the morality at stake?
2B: If it is social or political what are the motivations and forces in play?
3: Who are the people, what are their motivations, and what are their economic and social needs?
It occurred to me that my problem solving and analytical process itself is secular. This is natural as I did have a secular education. What troubles me more deeply is my lack of factoring God into my deductions and planning.
I'm not dissatisfied with God. My life is decent, I eat well, I have steady work, and I get every petty desire I please so long as I am willing to make sacrifices to get their.
Sacrifices.... I'm interested in that word..... I have of course been a little lax in the tithe department. The normal excuses came up, first that times were hard, second I didn't see how I should bring economics into my spiritual life, finally that I had need and he is still talking but not doing. I can see that I have in fact neglected that portion of my spiritual life. So that's one to grow on.
I had to turn away from a big chance. Supposedly all the money I could want was on the table, all I had to do was work 60 hours a week for 14 months. My health won't allow that. Further it just didn't feel right. There was something I couldn't lay my finger on that didn't seem right. So I turned it down. Which was actually partially at least an act of faith. I said to myself "God provides, he offered that opportunity, he put me here, he knows what he's doing."
Yet while I sit here affirming my faith... I'm struggling. This isn't like it was before, I can quantify my problems: money. Isn't it always the way? It has been a major fixture of my adult life that I can drive what I want, have whatever toys I want, but freedom? Out of reach.
My parents don't even believe in my dream. My mom has said it just doesn't exist. Just the other day she said "rich people aren't any happier." Which is bullshit. Yes, I agree that money IN ITSELF will not fix every problem. Buying a new computer has not upped the time I spend on my book. But money allows options. Money is a resource, like food in the pantry, gas in the car, lights in the house and a house on some land. All these things are for sale. Will food in the pantry save your marriage? No, but if you aren't hungry all the time, it helps. If you don't HAVE to work 50-80 hours a week then there are benefits, and they are real. Honestly, the money is only worth what it will buy. All I want is the freedom not to buy in, if that makes sense.
I'll write out my visualization:
Imagine you are driving into town to go to the store. You go through the aisles, picking out things based on quality and taste, not on price. You pick a few things to try, and other things give you ideas on what to make. You drive home, to a house that the bank can't take away. You play with your kids. You go to sleep and don't mind when you need to wake up. Writing knows no schedule, and when a writer is awake he researches and he writes.
All that is possible. God can do that. Heck I might be able to do it. I'd just prefer he do it. He knows a thing or two more about stability. His gifts last and last. The wait has got to be worth it. It usually is anyway.
What got this all started was when I was taking something apart, a social phenomena. I was puzzling my way through it and I realized this was my process:
1: What is the thing that is confusing me, is it social, moral, or political?
2: If it is moral then what are the grounds for the morality at stake?
2B: If it is social or political what are the motivations and forces in play?
3: Who are the people, what are their motivations, and what are their economic and social needs?
It occurred to me that my problem solving and analytical process itself is secular. This is natural as I did have a secular education. What troubles me more deeply is my lack of factoring God into my deductions and planning.
I'm not dissatisfied with God. My life is decent, I eat well, I have steady work, and I get every petty desire I please so long as I am willing to make sacrifices to get their.
Sacrifices.... I'm interested in that word..... I have of course been a little lax in the tithe department. The normal excuses came up, first that times were hard, second I didn't see how I should bring economics into my spiritual life, finally that I had need and he is still talking but not doing. I can see that I have in fact neglected that portion of my spiritual life. So that's one to grow on.
I had to turn away from a big chance. Supposedly all the money I could want was on the table, all I had to do was work 60 hours a week for 14 months. My health won't allow that. Further it just didn't feel right. There was something I couldn't lay my finger on that didn't seem right. So I turned it down. Which was actually partially at least an act of faith. I said to myself "God provides, he offered that opportunity, he put me here, he knows what he's doing."
Yet while I sit here affirming my faith... I'm struggling. This isn't like it was before, I can quantify my problems: money. Isn't it always the way? It has been a major fixture of my adult life that I can drive what I want, have whatever toys I want, but freedom? Out of reach.
My parents don't even believe in my dream. My mom has said it just doesn't exist. Just the other day she said "rich people aren't any happier." Which is bullshit. Yes, I agree that money IN ITSELF will not fix every problem. Buying a new computer has not upped the time I spend on my book. But money allows options. Money is a resource, like food in the pantry, gas in the car, lights in the house and a house on some land. All these things are for sale. Will food in the pantry save your marriage? No, but if you aren't hungry all the time, it helps. If you don't HAVE to work 50-80 hours a week then there are benefits, and they are real. Honestly, the money is only worth what it will buy. All I want is the freedom not to buy in, if that makes sense.
I'll write out my visualization:
Imagine you are driving into town to go to the store. You go through the aisles, picking out things based on quality and taste, not on price. You pick a few things to try, and other things give you ideas on what to make. You drive home, to a house that the bank can't take away. You play with your kids. You go to sleep and don't mind when you need to wake up. Writing knows no schedule, and when a writer is awake he researches and he writes.
All that is possible. God can do that. Heck I might be able to do it. I'd just prefer he do it. He knows a thing or two more about stability. His gifts last and last. The wait has got to be worth it. It usually is anyway.
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