feeling kind of useless

I had to decide not to go to school... the classes would have started today...

It isn't that I wanted to go to the classes particularly. It's this place I'm in, philosophically, economically, emotionally. I know I've lifted it up before, but let me repeat: My biggest problem is not lack of resources. My biggest problem is lack of specific connections, and time. I don't think I could be making more money right now, unless I worked more overtime, that's not going to happen.

I have such great things in my life. I feel blessed to have a home, a car, and every kind of electronic device and tool I could want. Yet I still wake up and have to face the same level of risk, and no amount of work will solve my financial desires. Which is why I lifted up the desires to God, I told him that he was the only one who could do it. I'm still here waiting. The only future I see is that either my folks will pass and leave enough for me to escape (not sure how likely that is), or for me to pass away before I start to fall apart. Again, that seems unlikely.

I'm trying to find my peace where I am. I have some fun games, and I hope sincerely I can get the writing thing going again soon. God's still working. This wouldn't be getting so difficult if I weren't close. I'm not entirely sure that works philosophically, but I'm too tired to work it out.