I don't know whether to call this a rant, or a prayer, or my head just blowing off. It's just so frustrating knowing that there is a God who loves me, who is in fact active in my life. It's frustrating because I'm butting my head against the same problems that I just can't solve. I bring them to God, and then I try to shift as best I can to either live with it, or fix what I can.
The problem comes down to freedom. For 5 years since I identified the problem I have been bringing this item up in prayer. Assuming three times a week, which averages the times I asked 5 times a day and the times I asked once a week, 807 times I have mentioned it to the Lord that: Hey, you say you break shackles, I've got this problem, etc.
It just seems like I'm going to continue to be under the gun. I've still got the same masters... one way or another. What bothers me more is that there are solutions, it's all about force to a direct spot.
See it's a financial problem, the problem being that living appears to cost quite a penny, and I don't want to have to sell my body for money for the rest of my life. I only can push so much, and my body can only do so much. I am further limited by age and health considerations. If I had understood the problem, and had access to the solutions I now do 8 years ago we'd be in a different boat now. Of course if I understood economics and such at 19 there are a number of different roads I could have traveled down.
So here I am, waiting on God for an answer that I don't know how could possibly scratch the itch. It's not that he's not capable. It isn't even that I don't know a solution or two. Compound interest and good assets could solve all of this. I'm further sure that he has access to even greater instruments. I am however unsure of what he intends to do. See because even though he says he hates imprisonment... slavery... blah blah blah set the captives free.... seek and you shall find and such, I've been praying at this for 5 years, and further I'm prepared to wait into eternity for him to come up with an answer. Because the great news is someday I will die. Today we found out processed meat is a cancer risk, meaning us working class schmoes get to clock out for good early. Bring on the hot dogs, because the chances of me getting gut cancer are higher than the chances of me finding a compassionate situation, or a natural solution to the resource shortage problem I've been having.
The problem comes down to freedom. For 5 years since I identified the problem I have been bringing this item up in prayer. Assuming three times a week, which averages the times I asked 5 times a day and the times I asked once a week, 807 times I have mentioned it to the Lord that: Hey, you say you break shackles, I've got this problem, etc.
It just seems like I'm going to continue to be under the gun. I've still got the same masters... one way or another. What bothers me more is that there are solutions, it's all about force to a direct spot.
See it's a financial problem, the problem being that living appears to cost quite a penny, and I don't want to have to sell my body for money for the rest of my life. I only can push so much, and my body can only do so much. I am further limited by age and health considerations. If I had understood the problem, and had access to the solutions I now do 8 years ago we'd be in a different boat now. Of course if I understood economics and such at 19 there are a number of different roads I could have traveled down.
So here I am, waiting on God for an answer that I don't know how could possibly scratch the itch. It's not that he's not capable. It isn't even that I don't know a solution or two. Compound interest and good assets could solve all of this. I'm further sure that he has access to even greater instruments. I am however unsure of what he intends to do. See because even though he says he hates imprisonment... slavery... blah blah blah set the captives free.... seek and you shall find and such, I've been praying at this for 5 years, and further I'm prepared to wait into eternity for him to come up with an answer. Because the great news is someday I will die. Today we found out processed meat is a cancer risk, meaning us working class schmoes get to clock out for good early. Bring on the hot dogs, because the chances of me getting gut cancer are higher than the chances of me finding a compassionate situation, or a natural solution to the resource shortage problem I've been having.
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