All quiet so far for the last 72 hours. Made it through another week's meeting, coasting gently towards Thanksgiving on that front. The world it would appear is in chaos, but in my heart there is a deep stillness. Not the stillness of joy or peace, but the stillness of trust. I will be doing my best to remain anchored in God. I have been challenged recently by Oswald Chambers to change my perspective from believing that reason is the core of all that is reality to realize that the supremacy of God is superior to even reason.
It is not easily that I come to this place. I much prefer reason, however reason says I should be dead. If we accept economics as a means to weed out the weak elements then by all logic I should have killed myself long ago. In simple economic terms the risk and liability of living far exceeds the meager rewards of my current profession. Further, were I to die my family would experience greater economic and social benefits than me living.
Since there is a moral and social taboo on trying to put my life to an end, there must be some greater truth than profit, reason, and social benefits. As God is capable of manipulating all of the previously mentioned forces to his own benefit we must conclude logically that he is superior. Further as my family consider's my death distasteful we must conclude that there is a superior force to reason and profit, that being something superior to the systems I had trusted.
On a more personal note I have to acknowledge that in seeking a deeper relationship with our Lord he as well reaffirms his superiority. So I remain focused on a reality more stable than the reality I see. The reality of faith is a place in which I understand that God is a constant, and that no matter what sort of noise is going on in observable reality he remains in control and loving towards me. That being true no permanent harm can arrive at my heart. My heart is affixed to his rock.
I must say that this is the least passionate declaration of faith I have ever made. Part of that is that in regards to waiting on his movement, if observable movement is to occur at all, has sucked much of the Joy of hope from me. Hope is a cold porridge, it nourishes my starving heart but does not provide taste or satisfaction. Hope is a trust in the possible reality of his marvelous and thrilling movement, yet faith is knowing that regardless of his visible movement his love is real. Faith tells me I could live the rest of my life without one observable or miraculous movement from my God. Hope says I might not have to. Five years I have been anticipating what move he might make. Yet this year has brought home the hollow nature of a relationship built on my personal profit. He is lord regardless of what he does to/for me. He is lord because he draws me into becoming a better man. He is lord because he helps me love the unlovable. That is miracle enough for most of humanity, and miracle enough for me. My ideals dream of more, hope to see a greater world and dwell in happiness in this life. My ideals are being forced to submit to faith.
It is not easily that I come to this place. I much prefer reason, however reason says I should be dead. If we accept economics as a means to weed out the weak elements then by all logic I should have killed myself long ago. In simple economic terms the risk and liability of living far exceeds the meager rewards of my current profession. Further, were I to die my family would experience greater economic and social benefits than me living.
Since there is a moral and social taboo on trying to put my life to an end, there must be some greater truth than profit, reason, and social benefits. As God is capable of manipulating all of the previously mentioned forces to his own benefit we must conclude logically that he is superior. Further as my family consider's my death distasteful we must conclude that there is a superior force to reason and profit, that being something superior to the systems I had trusted.
On a more personal note I have to acknowledge that in seeking a deeper relationship with our Lord he as well reaffirms his superiority. So I remain focused on a reality more stable than the reality I see. The reality of faith is a place in which I understand that God is a constant, and that no matter what sort of noise is going on in observable reality he remains in control and loving towards me. That being true no permanent harm can arrive at my heart. My heart is affixed to his rock.
I must say that this is the least passionate declaration of faith I have ever made. Part of that is that in regards to waiting on his movement, if observable movement is to occur at all, has sucked much of the Joy of hope from me. Hope is a cold porridge, it nourishes my starving heart but does not provide taste or satisfaction. Hope is a trust in the possible reality of his marvelous and thrilling movement, yet faith is knowing that regardless of his visible movement his love is real. Faith tells me I could live the rest of my life without one observable or miraculous movement from my God. Hope says I might not have to. Five years I have been anticipating what move he might make. Yet this year has brought home the hollow nature of a relationship built on my personal profit. He is lord regardless of what he does to/for me. He is lord because he draws me into becoming a better man. He is lord because he helps me love the unlovable. That is miracle enough for most of humanity, and miracle enough for me. My ideals dream of more, hope to see a greater world and dwell in happiness in this life. My ideals are being forced to submit to faith.
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