She had the balls to come to my mom at her office, to complain about how hard this situation has been on her. Now here is where it gets interesting, my folks think she's full of it but one thing stood out. Her new husband stands to lose his security clearance if SHE gets pulled down with me. If true, well it's about as good as it gets as far as potential revenge. I have long enjoyed knowing that if I fall she gets pulled down with me, credit destruction and all. Given that I don't NEED to survive this, I find joy knowing that for once bad things will happen and she would pay for it.
This is greater justice, if I do fail, her whole damn family is going down. I mean it's not QUITE an eye for an eye (that would mean she lost her sanity and vision for the future.... or death, I still hold that death is kinder than what she did to me). Yet it is something.
It does not change my plans in the slightest for a few reasons. Reason one is that I don't intend to fail. I intend to win. I'm still betting on God to pull out the big guns. The best revenge of all is winning. The best revenge I can ever pay her is for her to see how much better my life is now. How her cruelty led to my spiritual quest. And how my spiritual quest led to greater things. That will reward me much greater. And it is more certain to hurt any part of her with feeling left for me.
Reason two is that who knows if it really would ruin her family. Frankly I don't care, the only news I want to hear from or about her is her imminent demise or divorce. Neither seems likely to happen (though I'm certain that losing his security clearance caused some friction in their marriage). I also have an idealistic view of the thing. That's actually the third reason. She needs to set up her own fall. Then everyone she has hurt can laugh the pure laugh of "Yeah, that can happen when you fuck up other people's lives".
And of course it's possible she's sought out forgiveness from God. I've tried to forgive her, and it will be more final when I finally never have to hear from her again. In which case, who cares. She's a damaged person who damages others... aren't we all? Yes, she did a particular number on me, but I did choose to let her into my heart and my life. My mistake. I've spent my life trying to atone for it by loving others, and telling my cautionary tale. One day I will be grateful for it, the day I win, and I can see that every step towards winning started with what she did. The scars become markers of the road to glory. Only God can turn hurt into victory, and turn our failures into testimony. I believe that day is coming. I've been waiting 5 years and I'm further than I was.
This is greater justice, if I do fail, her whole damn family is going down. I mean it's not QUITE an eye for an eye (that would mean she lost her sanity and vision for the future.... or death, I still hold that death is kinder than what she did to me). Yet it is something.
It does not change my plans in the slightest for a few reasons. Reason one is that I don't intend to fail. I intend to win. I'm still betting on God to pull out the big guns. The best revenge of all is winning. The best revenge I can ever pay her is for her to see how much better my life is now. How her cruelty led to my spiritual quest. And how my spiritual quest led to greater things. That will reward me much greater. And it is more certain to hurt any part of her with feeling left for me.
Reason two is that who knows if it really would ruin her family. Frankly I don't care, the only news I want to hear from or about her is her imminent demise or divorce. Neither seems likely to happen (though I'm certain that losing his security clearance caused some friction in their marriage). I also have an idealistic view of the thing. That's actually the third reason. She needs to set up her own fall. Then everyone she has hurt can laugh the pure laugh of "Yeah, that can happen when you fuck up other people's lives".
And of course it's possible she's sought out forgiveness from God. I've tried to forgive her, and it will be more final when I finally never have to hear from her again. In which case, who cares. She's a damaged person who damages others... aren't we all? Yes, she did a particular number on me, but I did choose to let her into my heart and my life. My mistake. I've spent my life trying to atone for it by loving others, and telling my cautionary tale. One day I will be grateful for it, the day I win, and I can see that every step towards winning started with what she did. The scars become markers of the road to glory. Only God can turn hurt into victory, and turn our failures into testimony. I believe that day is coming. I've been waiting 5 years and I'm further than I was.
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