This blog essentially exists to document my.... journey of the mind. Which sounds more exciting than it is. Realistically most of my brain cells are occupied with 3 things:
Minecraft
Harry Potter (this month, last month was the Foundation series by Asimov)
Anodes and hitting quota
However I do despite my inane existence still have idealistic values, spiritual development and dreams. Today marks some interesting points.
1. First new area in over a month. I got sent to south Tulsa today, though I'm still clearing north Tulsa.
2. I hate my feeble and meaningless day to day.
3. Somehow I totally trust that God will find a way.
The third is the most interesting to me. I remember quite clearly feeling total doubt as to his interest or ability to change or effect my life. Yet now I don't feel that way. Not even a little. In disregard to the facts of the matter that on the surface nothing is changing, my faith remains.
I've come to view this as a marathon that will end with either success or death. Days, weeks, months and even years may be viewed as legs of the journey. The funny part (or the deadly soulsucking part, depending on which side I'm on) is that we have no idea how long this journey will last.
I have stated in the past in both moods that the greatest comfort is that there is an end to the journey. It must be added that the greatest frustration is the lack of knowledge or even tools to gather knowledge as to length of... well sentence. It is much as a prison sentence. I'm trapped against my will..... I don't want to wallow.
At times such as today I feel most positive and affirmative as to the action of the Lord. As previously pointed out this is in the face of evidence. When such a mood takes me I am inevitably drawn to the conclusion that God's action is coming shortly. My duty is to observe that though I have felt so many times, the action has still yet to be. So that we must observe that my conclusion of the immediateness of his love is a creation of my mind, or at the very least a bit of misinformation directed to undermine my relationship with the Lord.
It of course does not need to be immediate. First off I'm quite good at self preservation despite my crying to the Lord to free me from certain agony, the agony is mental, the imprisonment is philosophical and his action seems far more tied to the actual nature of things.
The nature of the journey is more related to ancient sea voyages than a road trip. There is no damn map. The distances though definite are not able to be traveled at a constant speed. In fact I am entirely surrounded by fog. I don't know if I am in the windless place in the center, if I am near the beginning as I remain quite young, or very near the end.
So, yeah. God's got it figured out and one of these days I will get out of him something definite. I might be dead and standing judgement, but even standing judgement would be something definite wouldn't it? It is my eager hope that as I have attempted to seek him he will look kindly on me. Better still would be as I put my faith in Jesus that he would see clear to overlook my mistakes.
And there you are.
Minecraft
Harry Potter (this month, last month was the Foundation series by Asimov)
Anodes and hitting quota
However I do despite my inane existence still have idealistic values, spiritual development and dreams. Today marks some interesting points.
1. First new area in over a month. I got sent to south Tulsa today, though I'm still clearing north Tulsa.
2. I hate my feeble and meaningless day to day.
3. Somehow I totally trust that God will find a way.
The third is the most interesting to me. I remember quite clearly feeling total doubt as to his interest or ability to change or effect my life. Yet now I don't feel that way. Not even a little. In disregard to the facts of the matter that on the surface nothing is changing, my faith remains.
I've come to view this as a marathon that will end with either success or death. Days, weeks, months and even years may be viewed as legs of the journey. The funny part (or the deadly soulsucking part, depending on which side I'm on) is that we have no idea how long this journey will last.
I have stated in the past in both moods that the greatest comfort is that there is an end to the journey. It must be added that the greatest frustration is the lack of knowledge or even tools to gather knowledge as to length of... well sentence. It is much as a prison sentence. I'm trapped against my will..... I don't want to wallow.
At times such as today I feel most positive and affirmative as to the action of the Lord. As previously pointed out this is in the face of evidence. When such a mood takes me I am inevitably drawn to the conclusion that God's action is coming shortly. My duty is to observe that though I have felt so many times, the action has still yet to be. So that we must observe that my conclusion of the immediateness of his love is a creation of my mind, or at the very least a bit of misinformation directed to undermine my relationship with the Lord.
It of course does not need to be immediate. First off I'm quite good at self preservation despite my crying to the Lord to free me from certain agony, the agony is mental, the imprisonment is philosophical and his action seems far more tied to the actual nature of things.
The nature of the journey is more related to ancient sea voyages than a road trip. There is no damn map. The distances though definite are not able to be traveled at a constant speed. In fact I am entirely surrounded by fog. I don't know if I am in the windless place in the center, if I am near the beginning as I remain quite young, or very near the end.
So, yeah. God's got it figured out and one of these days I will get out of him something definite. I might be dead and standing judgement, but even standing judgement would be something definite wouldn't it? It is my eager hope that as I have attempted to seek him he will look kindly on me. Better still would be as I put my faith in Jesus that he would see clear to overlook my mistakes.
And there you are.
No comments:
Post a Comment