spiritual desert-the long dryness of the soul

I drank and drank, yet thirsted still. I ate and ate yet my hunger was not satisfied.
I cry out to God, again and again, in the morning and in the night. In panic attacks, in the heat of the day, in the calm of the evening, again and again I bring my plea to God.
I began to troubleshoot my plea. God being perfect the problem MUST have been with my plea.
Could I be greedy? I prayed for his will to be done.
Could I be ungrateful? I prayed for his peace.
Could I be far from his will? I prayed my will be matched to his.
And yet, and yet, agony still.
How is it I am fed and taken care of physically, yet my heart mourns? My mind is stimulated, yet I know in my heart I am not using all my skills....
Then I look up why God doesn't answer prayers, here is a small list:

Reason One: Our Prayers Are Aborted When
They Are Not According To God's Will.

I prayed specifically. Then when I received no word I prayed for God to show me his better idea. It has yet to happen. He is yet to answer.

Reason Two: Our Prayers Can Be Aborted
When They Are Designed To Fulfill An
Inner Lust, Dreams, Or Illusions.

Well, is to be fulfilled an inner lust/dream. I confess, it is a dream of mine that I be put to good use. Yes, it is damn selfish to want to do something worthwhile. What of it? I struggle to find scriptural basis for this.... I struggle though to understand God. To the purpose of not being selfish I prayed to be shown a better plan, as I said it hasn't shown up.

Reason Three: Our Prayers Can Be
Denied When We Show No Diligence
to Assist God In The Answer.

This implies that EITHER: I am to assume his will and act accordingly, or he is to provide me instructions as to what to do. Neither are realistic. When I recieved the vision I did ALL THE FUCKING PREP I COULD. Do you know what I got? DIDDLY. Which is why I prayed for fresh instruction. God knows (literally) when I'll find out about that.

Reason Four: Our Prayers Can Be
Aborted By A Secret Grudge Lodged
In The Heart Against Another.

nope, not that I know of. In this same category is un-forgiven sin. Unless something I'm doing is innately sinful and I don't know.

Reason Five: Our Prayers Can Be
Aborted By Not Expecting Much To
Come Of Them.

Difficult that. The problem is that I am expecting more to come of them than has. I was expecting God to do something... significant. His action (if there is any) so far in regards to my request has been subdued, invisible to the naked eye. What I am saying is that you would have to set up measuring devices to see what has happened, and no one knows what direction to point such devices.

Now of course I don't know what to expect. Obviously I expect things to come or I wouldn't pray.

Reason Six: Our Prayers Are Aborted
When We Ourselves Attempt To
Prescribe How God Should Answer.

Obviously since I said just previously that I don't know what direction to look that I don't know what he's going to do. I have some ideas of what he COULD do. Of course I did make a specific request some time ago... but he's gonna do what he's gonna do. He's god, you know. If he did what I wanted him to do then he'd be me and I'd be him and wouldn't that be a mess? I mean, me, getting what I want, right away? Disaster, obviously. Next thing you know people aren't racist, poverty ends, all kinds of mayhem. I'm just fucking saying that YES, I do have some ideas of what he could do, and those things would improve the situation. I however am not God. Otherwise I wouldn't need to talk to him. Otherwise I wouldn't be in pain.