my pastor challenged me to write a letter saying all I am grateful for that comes from God, so I will be attempting to compose it here. Why? because here is where I can write to my hearts content. You guys just get to enjoy the finished product because I trust this browser more than my word processor.
---------------------------------------
Dear God
There is so much I am thankful for which I credit you for having given me. I credit you for giving me two loving parents, for a start. A clean bill of health from birth is also a notable praiseworthy thing. I thank you for all the times I could have died, been disfigured or stuck with illness for life, yet as of now I am reasonably healthy. I thank you for removing a woman who did not love me from my life. I thank you for teaching me nothing apart from your love for me lasts. I thank you for the times of abundant finances in the past.
I thank you for my home and the fine things within it. I thank you for the intelligence and natural talents you gave me. I thank you for the opportunities you have given me to use these talents. I thank you for my vehicle. I thank you for giving me a gym to go to for relaxation and fitness. I thank you for a bicycle. I thank you for clean water, modern appliances and clothes that fit. I thank you for the shortness of life and that the things that bother me about it will eventually end because everyone must die. I thank you for sending your son to the cross for my sins. I thank you for healing me when I was sick and broken. I thank you for forgiveness.
I thank you for the people you have sent me to love. I thank you for good memories of the past. I thank you for daydreams. I thank you for not allowing me to know how much more pain is yet to come. I thank you for allowing me an illusion that happiness can last. I thank you for the moments of happiness and peace as I find them. I thank you for the pain because it makes those moments of happiness or peace more meaningful and special. I thank you for hunger because it makes food taste good. I thank you for poverty because it makes me glad when I'm not in it. I thank you for sickness because it makes me treasure health. I thank you for good food. I thank you for books. I thank you for the food and medicine that helps me bolster myself. I thank you for people who love me. I thank you for people who frustrate me and teach me compassion. I thank you for people who challenge me to make me grow.
I thank you for a climate where food is easy to grow. I thank you for sunny days when it is good to be outside. I thank you for days that make it nicer to be inside. I thank you for restful sleep. I thank you for games to blot out reality.I thank you for everything else that lets me disconnect from my frustration and confusion.
--------------------
So ended draft 1. Went unsent due to general grumpiness about the approach.
--------------------
Actual sent message:
In the end there are four things I am grateful for God. That I am alive and able to enjoy what is around me. That I have enough chemical distractions from my pain. The people that care about me, and that one day this futile life will end.
--------------------
Followed by this message to my Pastor:
Paul, I'm really just not having a time period where gratitude is high in my heart. The testing and the trials I am walking in are really putting me to the point all I want is out. I'm frustrated with the promises unfulfilled, which isn't to say they won't be. Every time someone says "it's going to get better" or that God is going to somehow make it better it just feels like a knife twisting in my heart. It's a reminder of how I hurt, and it's a reminder that today at least, we're still waiting for God to be God in this situation. I don't know how to seek him at this point, particularly due to the lack of answers to the questions I have been asking. So here I am, willing and waiting for God to move, but also tired and hurting, and really not wanting to hear another empty statement. Love is a verb, it's action. When God's love is action in my life I'll be better able to express my appreciation for him. And I know what he has done, I know the great cost I was bought at. I also know that sometimes despite our desires or hopes, God's will is God's will. We have to live with that, and it's not always as easy as putting on a happy face.
---------------------------------------
Dear God
There is so much I am thankful for which I credit you for having given me. I credit you for giving me two loving parents, for a start. A clean bill of health from birth is also a notable praiseworthy thing. I thank you for all the times I could have died, been disfigured or stuck with illness for life, yet as of now I am reasonably healthy. I thank you for removing a woman who did not love me from my life. I thank you for teaching me nothing apart from your love for me lasts. I thank you for the times of abundant finances in the past.
I thank you for my home and the fine things within it. I thank you for the intelligence and natural talents you gave me. I thank you for the opportunities you have given me to use these talents. I thank you for my vehicle. I thank you for giving me a gym to go to for relaxation and fitness. I thank you for a bicycle. I thank you for clean water, modern appliances and clothes that fit. I thank you for the shortness of life and that the things that bother me about it will eventually end because everyone must die. I thank you for sending your son to the cross for my sins. I thank you for healing me when I was sick and broken. I thank you for forgiveness.
I thank you for the people you have sent me to love. I thank you for good memories of the past. I thank you for daydreams. I thank you for not allowing me to know how much more pain is yet to come. I thank you for allowing me an illusion that happiness can last. I thank you for the moments of happiness and peace as I find them. I thank you for the pain because it makes those moments of happiness or peace more meaningful and special. I thank you for hunger because it makes food taste good. I thank you for poverty because it makes me glad when I'm not in it. I thank you for sickness because it makes me treasure health. I thank you for good food. I thank you for books. I thank you for the food and medicine that helps me bolster myself. I thank you for people who love me. I thank you for people who frustrate me and teach me compassion. I thank you for people who challenge me to make me grow.
I thank you for a climate where food is easy to grow. I thank you for sunny days when it is good to be outside. I thank you for days that make it nicer to be inside. I thank you for restful sleep. I thank you for games to blot out reality.I thank you for everything else that lets me disconnect from my frustration and confusion.
--------------------
So ended draft 1. Went unsent due to general grumpiness about the approach.
--------------------
Actual sent message:
In the end there are four things I am grateful for God. That I am alive and able to enjoy what is around me. That I have enough chemical distractions from my pain. The people that care about me, and that one day this futile life will end.
--------------------
Followed by this message to my Pastor:
Paul, I'm really just not having a time period where gratitude is high in my heart. The testing and the trials I am walking in are really putting me to the point all I want is out. I'm frustrated with the promises unfulfilled, which isn't to say they won't be. Every time someone says "it's going to get better" or that God is going to somehow make it better it just feels like a knife twisting in my heart. It's a reminder of how I hurt, and it's a reminder that today at least, we're still waiting for God to be God in this situation. I don't know how to seek him at this point, particularly due to the lack of answers to the questions I have been asking. So here I am, willing and waiting for God to move, but also tired and hurting, and really not wanting to hear another empty statement. Love is a verb, it's action. When God's love is action in my life I'll be better able to express my appreciation for him. And I know what he has done, I know the great cost I was bought at. I also know that sometimes despite our desires or hopes, God's will is God's will. We have to live with that, and it's not always as easy as putting on a happy face.
No comments:
Post a Comment