This started as a convo on Tumblr, and it's pretty good, I'll try and sort out what I wrote and what they wrote, here's how they started it:
radicalmuscle answered:
Yeah actually.
So I have a huge problem with the “nice guy” category of men as they’re the ones who ALWAYS complain about not having a girlfriend. They’re the type who think that girls only go for douchebags and who also think that being nice entitles them to romance. I don’t know how, but men have warped the general concept of benevolence into some sort of quid pro quo thing. They think that giving a girl one simple compliment is deserving of a date or some attention and they get angry when they don’t get that attention. That’s when they start to be dicks and will just disrespect women which makes it even harder to get a mate. And then they have the gall to blame women for their own situation.
Basically, most men treat women like objects that were put on this earth to satisfy their sexual desires instead of treating them like humans.
There are many things to blame for this behaviour, such as male privilege, the portrayal of men and women in most media, and other things. But my opinion as a human male is that the biggest problem seems to be that men don’t see themselves as the problem.
jiutrampdo:
Guys who call themselves nice guys, but complain about who women date usually aren’t nice guys.
If the women are dating so called bad guys, so what, find other women. What they mean to say though, is that they want easy women but haven’t got the skills to attract them. The bad guys are the ones who put some excitement into life,
A lot of these so called nice guys will then start to look to date outside of their race because they then get a problem with women in that race and see women outside of their race as easier.
Fuck them guys.
This is where I come in:
Response from a former “nice guy”
Look, we all want companionship, and being nice is something we are taught women like. They do, after a fashion, but it’s just one part of the puzzle. First of all every woman has different desires based on what they want out of a man. Second, women want a man with confidence. So called “bad guys” have confidence to be a jerk and that is by itself attractive. I’m reasonably sure that women are just as upset about us men dating shallow girls who are total jerks as well. Usually they call them bitches. Now we men can say that’s girls just being catty, or jealous, but if you have been told by more than 3 people that your girl is a bitch, or is “using” you, just get out.
Now back to nice guys. Sometimes nice guys are passive, meaning they don’t stand up for themselves, or take action first. They wait for someone else to do things for them. This leads their romantic partner to feel like they are “parenting” their boyfriend. No emotionally healthy woman is into this. Supporting you? Yes, after a reasonable time period mutual support is acceptable. When you go out with a woman for the first time you are showing her you are a capable mate. On an evolutionary level let’s go down the date checklist:
1. Look good: Wear something that you feel like makes you look nice. A nice jeans and T-shirt works around here, but if you really want a bang go with designer jeans and a button up shirt. Whatever you wear make sure it is cleaned/pressed and doesn’t look like you picked it up off your floor. Smelling good is a major turn on guys, never go out smelling bad!
2. Exude confidence: Show her who you are. If you’re a geek be the geek and try and use some of the broader geek humor (everyone has seen Star Wars). If you are a man of faith share that. If you play an instrument, a sport, anything that shows that you get out of the house and develop a talent. NEVER say anything that says to her that you are: Homeless, Jobless, Hopeless, or Afraid. Even if you ARE, she wants to know you can cope internally in the short run. If you screw up make a joke of it. Think of a date like an opening night performance, it’s going to be a little awkward, but the show must go on.
3. Listen: Listen to her. Ask her questions about her. Really the fact is that the more conversation revolves around her the more things work well for you. If you never reveal anything about yourself on a first date, the worst it could be is that she isn’t interested (in which case you didn’t get vulnerable to someone who doesn’t care, go you). At best you come off as confident and interested. Now don’t grill her. Just get to know the lady. This is your time to figure her out. Is she a good fit for you? If not, well better luck next time.
You have to kiss alot of frogs if you want the best, any attractive woman will tell you that. Also, sometimes, for no reason at all you won’t be able to find an attractive woman for months at a time. Just hunker down and enjoy your hobbies because dry spells are pretty much worthless for dating.
radicalmuscle answered:
Yeah actually.
So I have a huge problem with the “nice guy” category of men as they’re the ones who ALWAYS complain about not having a girlfriend. They’re the type who think that girls only go for douchebags and who also think that being nice entitles them to romance. I don’t know how, but men have warped the general concept of benevolence into some sort of quid pro quo thing. They think that giving a girl one simple compliment is deserving of a date or some attention and they get angry when they don’t get that attention. That’s when they start to be dicks and will just disrespect women which makes it even harder to get a mate. And then they have the gall to blame women for their own situation.
Basically, most men treat women like objects that were put on this earth to satisfy their sexual desires instead of treating them like humans.
There are many things to blame for this behaviour, such as male privilege, the portrayal of men and women in most media, and other things. But my opinion as a human male is that the biggest problem seems to be that men don’t see themselves as the problem.
jiutrampdo:
Guys who call themselves nice guys, but complain about who women date usually aren’t nice guys.
If the women are dating so called bad guys, so what, find other women. What they mean to say though, is that they want easy women but haven’t got the skills to attract them. The bad guys are the ones who put some excitement into life,
A lot of these so called nice guys will then start to look to date outside of their race because they then get a problem with women in that race and see women outside of their race as easier.
Fuck them guys.
This is where I come in:
Response from a former “nice guy”
Look, we all want companionship, and being nice is something we are taught women like. They do, after a fashion, but it’s just one part of the puzzle. First of all every woman has different desires based on what they want out of a man. Second, women want a man with confidence. So called “bad guys” have confidence to be a jerk and that is by itself attractive. I’m reasonably sure that women are just as upset about us men dating shallow girls who are total jerks as well. Usually they call them bitches. Now we men can say that’s girls just being catty, or jealous, but if you have been told by more than 3 people that your girl is a bitch, or is “using” you, just get out.
Now back to nice guys. Sometimes nice guys are passive, meaning they don’t stand up for themselves, or take action first. They wait for someone else to do things for them. This leads their romantic partner to feel like they are “parenting” their boyfriend. No emotionally healthy woman is into this. Supporting you? Yes, after a reasonable time period mutual support is acceptable. When you go out with a woman for the first time you are showing her you are a capable mate. On an evolutionary level let’s go down the date checklist:
1. Look good: Wear something that you feel like makes you look nice. A nice jeans and T-shirt works around here, but if you really want a bang go with designer jeans and a button up shirt. Whatever you wear make sure it is cleaned/pressed and doesn’t look like you picked it up off your floor. Smelling good is a major turn on guys, never go out smelling bad!
2. Exude confidence: Show her who you are. If you’re a geek be the geek and try and use some of the broader geek humor (everyone has seen Star Wars). If you are a man of faith share that. If you play an instrument, a sport, anything that shows that you get out of the house and develop a talent. NEVER say anything that says to her that you are: Homeless, Jobless, Hopeless, or Afraid. Even if you ARE, she wants to know you can cope internally in the short run. If you screw up make a joke of it. Think of a date like an opening night performance, it’s going to be a little awkward, but the show must go on.
3. Listen: Listen to her. Ask her questions about her. Really the fact is that the more conversation revolves around her the more things work well for you. If you never reveal anything about yourself on a first date, the worst it could be is that she isn’t interested (in which case you didn’t get vulnerable to someone who doesn’t care, go you). At best you come off as confident and interested. Now don’t grill her. Just get to know the lady. This is your time to figure her out. Is she a good fit for you? If not, well better luck next time.
You have to kiss alot of frogs if you want the best, any attractive woman will tell you that. Also, sometimes, for no reason at all you won’t be able to find an attractive woman for months at a time. Just hunker down and enjoy your hobbies because dry spells are pretty much worthless for dating.
----
Now I realize after reading this I never explained how often nice guys are under confident and desperately seeking female approval. Instead I went straight on instructing on how not to be a total pig on a date. The point I'm making is that if you work on yourself enough being a nice man DOES pay off. You just need some assertiveness.
Now I realize after reading this I never explained how often nice guys are under confident and desperately seeking female approval. Instead I went straight on instructing on how not to be a total pig on a date. The point I'm making is that if you work on yourself enough being a nice man DOES pay off. You just need some assertiveness.
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So embed doesn't work anymore, there goes one of the most fun parts of my blog.
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