Dear God,
Hey, it's your kid, it's ol' Max and yes, he's begging again. Begging for answers, begging for a way forward that can keep you in it. I know that you want to be in my life, hey, guess what? I want you in my life. But you've got to make it easier for me. I mean, sinking sand feelings about this dead end situation, that's not a way out, that's not who I've believed you are. I understand if things don't work out like I've planned, but SOME working out would really help the morale around here. Here I am with one of the best functioning male bodies on the market, and you decide to lead me through a romantic dry spell.
I don't know what you want, clearly I'm not giving it, whatever the mystical powder is that makes this busted up vision machine fly. I reached the end of my rope the other day, I suppose you're going to say that I'm still talking to you so I must not have run out of faith. Well, I suppose that's true. I'm still trying to speak that you are capable and that you will stand on your promises and deliver. I'm trying. You're not making it easy. To be perfectly honest saying you keep your promises in this pit is like trying to sell lemonade you haven't got in a desert. Sure it sounds nice, sounds great. It would be absolutely wonderful and swell if you showed up before I put a bullet through my skull. Now I know you've cautioned about timelines and deadlines, that you don't do them and I respect that. So understand when I say I need you to show up before something else happens, I'm not talking about an ultimatum, or some sort of schedule I have. I'm talking about causality. If you decide that showing up is something that can wait until all my hope and ambition have evaporated, that you don't want to provide for me or take care of me in this storm, then I'm going to buy a gun, and the express purpose of that gun will be to take care of problems.
If someone tries to break into my house, that's a problem. My ex wife sometimes appears a problem. So does me being alive. So if you want me to take those sorts of problems into my own hands, keep up what you're doing. Personally I'm kind of invested in not killing anyone. I like to believe I'm a good person. But if I was a good person I think you would act differently. SAVE ME god. You said you wanted to show off how awesome you are, not how you let people get ground down to nothing.
I'm hoping it's darkest before the dawn. I'm hoping that in the morning there will be a new dawn and you will save me, that you will get me out. I have no vision as to how you might do such a thing, but that's up to you. Please Lord, don't let my hope fall flat.
Love,
Max
Hey, it's your kid, it's ol' Max and yes, he's begging again. Begging for answers, begging for a way forward that can keep you in it. I know that you want to be in my life, hey, guess what? I want you in my life. But you've got to make it easier for me. I mean, sinking sand feelings about this dead end situation, that's not a way out, that's not who I've believed you are. I understand if things don't work out like I've planned, but SOME working out would really help the morale around here. Here I am with one of the best functioning male bodies on the market, and you decide to lead me through a romantic dry spell.
I don't know what you want, clearly I'm not giving it, whatever the mystical powder is that makes this busted up vision machine fly. I reached the end of my rope the other day, I suppose you're going to say that I'm still talking to you so I must not have run out of faith. Well, I suppose that's true. I'm still trying to speak that you are capable and that you will stand on your promises and deliver. I'm trying. You're not making it easy. To be perfectly honest saying you keep your promises in this pit is like trying to sell lemonade you haven't got in a desert. Sure it sounds nice, sounds great. It would be absolutely wonderful and swell if you showed up before I put a bullet through my skull. Now I know you've cautioned about timelines and deadlines, that you don't do them and I respect that. So understand when I say I need you to show up before something else happens, I'm not talking about an ultimatum, or some sort of schedule I have. I'm talking about causality. If you decide that showing up is something that can wait until all my hope and ambition have evaporated, that you don't want to provide for me or take care of me in this storm, then I'm going to buy a gun, and the express purpose of that gun will be to take care of problems.
If someone tries to break into my house, that's a problem. My ex wife sometimes appears a problem. So does me being alive. So if you want me to take those sorts of problems into my own hands, keep up what you're doing. Personally I'm kind of invested in not killing anyone. I like to believe I'm a good person. But if I was a good person I think you would act differently. SAVE ME god. You said you wanted to show off how awesome you are, not how you let people get ground down to nothing.
I'm hoping it's darkest before the dawn. I'm hoping that in the morning there will be a new dawn and you will save me, that you will get me out. I have no vision as to how you might do such a thing, but that's up to you. Please Lord, don't let my hope fall flat.
Love,
Max
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