I don't know if this matters enough for others to care about. That isn't the point, the point is that it matters to me, it's keeping me up at night (and causing me to sleep during the day). The issue is focus. More directly I can't seem to focus on the relaxing/fun things I want to do. It's interfering with my productivity because when I can't relax I don't feel rewarded/fulfilled. The whole point of work is to make me feel justified in relaxation.
The game is heavily modded minecraft. I have a world that I have spent almost ten real time days in, which is almost 500 hours. I really like the map, and I'm really proud of how far I've gotten. I have never gotten this far on a game ever. It also represents a return to normalcy and some health. Making progress in game helps comfort and support real life progress. But I haven't been able to get in a solid work session in a week.
I log on and instantly I don't know where to go next, what to work on. I feel frozen, stuck. The anxiety is killer. I've tried playing other games, it doesn't help. I've looked up cognative therapy for various creative issues like writers block and analysis failure. Yet no approach I have tried yet has proven successful in the long term. I've watched videos which makes my hunger to be in game worse. Then I log on and feel blocked up.
I work around the house, watch shows I like, pray, read the bible, nothing is taking away this hole where the quiet space of my mind was. I don't expect others to understand, but playing the game made me feel at peace, even if I only got in a little time every week. I went without it for over 6 months while I was sick, and coming back to it this year was part of my return to some normalcy, to desiring to function again.
I have no idea if typing out the problem will help. I am determined not to let it win, one way or another I'll find my peace again. I didn't feel this way before which makes me think this whole blockage is temporary.
The game is heavily modded minecraft. I have a world that I have spent almost ten real time days in, which is almost 500 hours. I really like the map, and I'm really proud of how far I've gotten. I have never gotten this far on a game ever. It also represents a return to normalcy and some health. Making progress in game helps comfort and support real life progress. But I haven't been able to get in a solid work session in a week.
I log on and instantly I don't know where to go next, what to work on. I feel frozen, stuck. The anxiety is killer. I've tried playing other games, it doesn't help. I've looked up cognative therapy for various creative issues like writers block and analysis failure. Yet no approach I have tried yet has proven successful in the long term. I've watched videos which makes my hunger to be in game worse. Then I log on and feel blocked up.
I work around the house, watch shows I like, pray, read the bible, nothing is taking away this hole where the quiet space of my mind was. I don't expect others to understand, but playing the game made me feel at peace, even if I only got in a little time every week. I went without it for over 6 months while I was sick, and coming back to it this year was part of my return to some normalcy, to desiring to function again.
I have no idea if typing out the problem will help. I am determined not to let it win, one way or another I'll find my peace again. I didn't feel this way before which makes me think this whole blockage is temporary.
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