I realized just now that I never talk about the economics of being me, or why economics in America do not work for me.
A little background: I went to private schools growing up. Every teacher I had until high school was convinced I would be a doctor or a lawyer. My family went on vacations across the country on a yearly basis for the first 18 years of my life. I have never gone hungry in my life. I have never been homeless (and will never be, my family always offers their roof).
Now, to understand that to begin with I had a four year degree paid for all I had to do was take it when I was 18, and I did not. I could have had a two year degree paid for, if I had graduated via the normal path. I did not. I am currently a few hours from an associates and over 18k in debt.
My credit is trashed. There are repairs in my house that it is going to take a major miracle to make happen. My truck dropped it's drive shaft on the road, I have no way to afford to fix it. Realistically, I can't afford a damn thing. By all rights I should have lost this house months ago.
It isn't for lack of trying. I have tried to push it through school, there are multiple problems. One is medical, because of my age (over 25) I have to purchase health insurance. Realistically, never going to happen. My parents helped me with that. I would have nothing if it wasn't for my parents repeatedly saving my ass. I rely on a few simple yet expensive medications to make it day to day. They help me get them. They'll probably help one way or another get the truck fixed, at least fixed enough for me to get through a few more months.
This has been my adult life. I don't see a way I can ever be independent, not living in this house. Certainly not making what I make. Which is funny, given my base salary is more than I have ever made. I have a company car, and yes, it is fantastic to know I will always get to work. I don't pay for gas.
My only choice is retirement. Homesteading is the only way out of poverty for my family. I refuse to raise my kids in a house that the bank likes to raise the payments on, on a whim. I will not live wondering how I will weather the next crisis, yet knowing I will on very limited resources, because I always do.
This world, at least in this part of the country, is controlled by a few vested interests. Interestingly, at least three of them have no competition at all. It is an autocratic tyranny. Do you want heat? You have one choice. Do you want power? One choice. Internet? A few choices. Internet fast enough for two laptops and streaming on TV? One choice. Do you want your government to help you? Well, that depends, if you are rich then it's "Building the economy", everyone else is "mooching". And the elections are fixed away from things improving on this end. There is some very old money in this area.
So that's my reality. I'm not poor, I don't identify as poor. However poverty attacks me, over and over again. I try to survive, I've gotten pretty good at it. However I'm not rich, I'm not even secure. I rely entirely on the universe to provide. I have yet to find the end of it doing that.
That might be why I'm so spiritual, and so philosophical. There is something out there putting ground under my feet every time I'm about to fall too far. What I really want is for a slope up. What I really want is to get ahead a crisis or two.
It came to me today that there is no place more under spiritual assault than when multiple limited and mortal things claim Godhood. They are not however in any way holy. They are sad and limited. Compared to what is out there, and it is out there, they are nothing. Really, they don't even measure up. Because they don't have souls. No matter how many people think money is speech, money doesn't exist. Neither do corporations. We all just pretend they do. One day they won't be so solid. Then those with souls will have the last laugh, because we keep existing whether you believe in us or not.
A little background: I went to private schools growing up. Every teacher I had until high school was convinced I would be a doctor or a lawyer. My family went on vacations across the country on a yearly basis for the first 18 years of my life. I have never gone hungry in my life. I have never been homeless (and will never be, my family always offers their roof).
Now, to understand that to begin with I had a four year degree paid for all I had to do was take it when I was 18, and I did not. I could have had a two year degree paid for, if I had graduated via the normal path. I did not. I am currently a few hours from an associates and over 18k in debt.
My credit is trashed. There are repairs in my house that it is going to take a major miracle to make happen. My truck dropped it's drive shaft on the road, I have no way to afford to fix it. Realistically, I can't afford a damn thing. By all rights I should have lost this house months ago.
It isn't for lack of trying. I have tried to push it through school, there are multiple problems. One is medical, because of my age (over 25) I have to purchase health insurance. Realistically, never going to happen. My parents helped me with that. I would have nothing if it wasn't for my parents repeatedly saving my ass. I rely on a few simple yet expensive medications to make it day to day. They help me get them. They'll probably help one way or another get the truck fixed, at least fixed enough for me to get through a few more months.
This has been my adult life. I don't see a way I can ever be independent, not living in this house. Certainly not making what I make. Which is funny, given my base salary is more than I have ever made. I have a company car, and yes, it is fantastic to know I will always get to work. I don't pay for gas.
My only choice is retirement. Homesteading is the only way out of poverty for my family. I refuse to raise my kids in a house that the bank likes to raise the payments on, on a whim. I will not live wondering how I will weather the next crisis, yet knowing I will on very limited resources, because I always do.
This world, at least in this part of the country, is controlled by a few vested interests. Interestingly, at least three of them have no competition at all. It is an autocratic tyranny. Do you want heat? You have one choice. Do you want power? One choice. Internet? A few choices. Internet fast enough for two laptops and streaming on TV? One choice. Do you want your government to help you? Well, that depends, if you are rich then it's "Building the economy", everyone else is "mooching". And the elections are fixed away from things improving on this end. There is some very old money in this area.
So that's my reality. I'm not poor, I don't identify as poor. However poverty attacks me, over and over again. I try to survive, I've gotten pretty good at it. However I'm not rich, I'm not even secure. I rely entirely on the universe to provide. I have yet to find the end of it doing that.
That might be why I'm so spiritual, and so philosophical. There is something out there putting ground under my feet every time I'm about to fall too far. What I really want is for a slope up. What I really want is to get ahead a crisis or two.
It came to me today that there is no place more under spiritual assault than when multiple limited and mortal things claim Godhood. They are not however in any way holy. They are sad and limited. Compared to what is out there, and it is out there, they are nothing. Really, they don't even measure up. Because they don't have souls. No matter how many people think money is speech, money doesn't exist. Neither do corporations. We all just pretend they do. One day they won't be so solid. Then those with souls will have the last laugh, because we keep existing whether you believe in us or not.
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