I thought to myself "I feel philosophical, that usually means writing". Yet for the life of me I have a gut feeling that thinking about... the nature of spirituality, or any of my standard stomping ground would just remind me I'm in a little pain about the whole thing.
It's not a big pain, it doesn't nag every minute of my day. In fact if I don't think about it then I don't really feel it. However, the path to wisdom I am reasonably sure does not lie in not thinking. As tempting as it is, I would cease to be who I am if I avoided depth of thought.
It reminds me of a story: One day some teenagers decided to create their own newspaper about what was going on in their local town. They decided to research what sort of news stories would please their public the most. Upon watching the local and national news they came to realize that most of the news was distressing. Finally they decided to print their first paper with the headline "No News is Good News". As one might expect they did not print a second paper as they had covered the only topic they felt worthy. More sobering they sold not even one paper and ended up using them to start fires and line rabbit cages.
Which illustrates the point that if you don't take the harder steps then where will the interest come?
I suppose what is bothering me right now is the lack of interesting or challenging path in my life. Which isn't to say work isn't challenging in it's way, but I can win that game. In fact I can win that game almost every day. My worst day last week I was only 5% of acceptable. Which didn't really matter as I had exceeded their needs every other day.
I miss the challenge of living human minds. I miss winning against things that fought back, you know? There isn't much ego in doing upkeep on tools, walking and performing a simple task. I mean I can keep at it as long as need be. I have interesting stuff to work on in my head. What concerns me is the greater path I am on. Where am I going? I don't know. There was a time I thought that anything was possible, even overwhelming success.
Now I'm starting to be troubled by educational and economic boundaries. I don't know how someone on my level takes those on. Further, I don't want to spend my life being concerned about problems that will not play at all into my personal future. Well, they would play in that these relatively trivial tasks would allow me to gather the resources I need to work on interesting problems.
Coming at things another way, where is the Lord in this whole scheme? I'm fairly clear on his level of concern with my fate. Therefor perhaps he has a plan. Which is.... disheartening given the place my current labors place me. Yet Joseph spent his time in prison, David spent his time on the run living in caves, and even Christ spent some early years on the run in Egypt. Biblically we are led to believe that current circumstances don't reflect the future. I'm not certain how that will play out in regular life.
It's not a big pain, it doesn't nag every minute of my day. In fact if I don't think about it then I don't really feel it. However, the path to wisdom I am reasonably sure does not lie in not thinking. As tempting as it is, I would cease to be who I am if I avoided depth of thought.
It reminds me of a story: One day some teenagers decided to create their own newspaper about what was going on in their local town. They decided to research what sort of news stories would please their public the most. Upon watching the local and national news they came to realize that most of the news was distressing. Finally they decided to print their first paper with the headline "No News is Good News". As one might expect they did not print a second paper as they had covered the only topic they felt worthy. More sobering they sold not even one paper and ended up using them to start fires and line rabbit cages.
Which illustrates the point that if you don't take the harder steps then where will the interest come?
I suppose what is bothering me right now is the lack of interesting or challenging path in my life. Which isn't to say work isn't challenging in it's way, but I can win that game. In fact I can win that game almost every day. My worst day last week I was only 5% of acceptable. Which didn't really matter as I had exceeded their needs every other day.
I miss the challenge of living human minds. I miss winning against things that fought back, you know? There isn't much ego in doing upkeep on tools, walking and performing a simple task. I mean I can keep at it as long as need be. I have interesting stuff to work on in my head. What concerns me is the greater path I am on. Where am I going? I don't know. There was a time I thought that anything was possible, even overwhelming success.
Now I'm starting to be troubled by educational and economic boundaries. I don't know how someone on my level takes those on. Further, I don't want to spend my life being concerned about problems that will not play at all into my personal future. Well, they would play in that these relatively trivial tasks would allow me to gather the resources I need to work on interesting problems.
Coming at things another way, where is the Lord in this whole scheme? I'm fairly clear on his level of concern with my fate. Therefor perhaps he has a plan. Which is.... disheartening given the place my current labors place me. Yet Joseph spent his time in prison, David spent his time on the run living in caves, and even Christ spent some early years on the run in Egypt. Biblically we are led to believe that current circumstances don't reflect the future. I'm not certain how that will play out in regular life.
No comments:
Post a Comment