So I just published some drafts that had sat in my outbox waiting for my life to go to hell to get published. Lucky them it did. Nikki, my best friend is moving for a few months and possibly forever, Shannon, my former girlfriend is done with me, and in a few days I will be utterly alone apart from family. Somehow this is supposed to be of God. This just sucks, plain sucks.
I decided Nikki needed to move to make shannon comfortable, because I loved her... in my way. And of course I felt it was the best thing for the situation. Last night shannon gets online.... this is a large portion of the important words in that conversation, because I don't have the strength to try and reexplain:
"(8:18:02 PM) Max, aka that one guy who had a mustache, but doesn't now: of course there is the remote possability that after hearing my possition you could decide I'm completely out of my nut, and you can't be with a guy like that... and that I totally get too
(8:18:47 PM) Batmansss979: Want my very blatant, drunken honesty? (as I am also rather drunk and WAY overtired)(8:20:16 PM) Max, aka that one guy who had a mustache, but doesn't now: *braced for honesty*(8:21:12 PM) Batmansss979: I think you're out of your nut for trying so hard to be with me when you could put the same amount of effort (in a different way) into Nikki and be paired up with someone who makes you much happier. That's what I've been pondering for about the past week. And it's REALLY got me pondering. Heavily. 'cause DAMNED if I want to be the one "responsible" for you kicking her out of your house if you two are as good for each other as you sound on Facebook, and as I hear when you tal about her.(8:21:38 PM) Batmansss979: You want puppies and kitties and rainbow unicorns looooooooove emotions with a girlfriend. And you don't have that with her. And I get that(8:21:57 PM) Batmansss979: But I ReALLY think your life will be missing something substantial if she moves out of it.(8:22:11 PM) Batmansss979: THAT is my last week's pondering.(8:22:22 PM) Batmansss979: And my very blatant, drunken honesty(8:24:28 PM) Max, aka that one guy who had a mustache, but doesn't now: I appreciate it, however as to how to reply? oh so many long stories that I can't even frame properly because it would involve SO much explaining about Nikki, and lots of that isn't my story to tell(8:24:48 PM) Batmansss979: I know you've got every reason in the world why you don't love her.(8:25:03 PM) Batmansss979: But I'm telling you... from the outside looking in? It's VERY obvious you do(8:25:13 PM) Batmansss979: And I really DO think you could get her(8:25:22 PM) Batmansss979: If you would be willing to put the effort into it"
So we broke up. and I asked nikki not to move, and told her I wanted to date her. Because I do... did whatever. Nikki is a better friend than any other woman, more loyalty than anyone I've known, and I want her to be part of my life, so sacrifices had to be made.
But she's still going......... because it's best for her kids. SO... essentially I'm screwed. God has helped lead me down a path to my destruction. AGAIN. and we wonder why my faith is so messed up. I try to make it work with one woman, it doesn't, try again with someone more friendship compatable who at least loves me on the friend level, again......... this doesn't really help.
Anyway, the problem about women is they can't be relied upon, I have met none that can. You need them the most, and they walk out on you. "God has a plan" they will tell you fairly often. Also "I want you to be happy"..... with all the FUCKING women who want me happy I should be the happiest millionaire, with alligators in the conservatory, a singing butler and three kids. And I'm not, not yet anyway.
I believe in the bible, I believe in uncle sam and as sure as old glory waves above
I believe a man that's hurting has the right to demand that some woman give him sympathy and love
what's wrong with that? WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?
The flag above, the bible and love? what's wrong with that?
I was a good hearted husband, both generous and kind
no wife could have had a life as free of cares
and when a good hearted husband has been hurt it'd be only right
for his wife to share the agony he bares
What's wrong with that? What's wrong with that?
I wanted my wife to share my life what's wrong with that.....
I could go on on that track.
The point is women are a waste of time from a companionship standpoint, as I see it now. If I'm wrong I beg to be proved wrong. They take your hard earned money, affection and love, and all they give you back is contempt, disloyalty and untrustworthyness. So what's a man to do? we're made to reproduce, are we not? Go forth and multiply the bible says (note it says nothing about algebra in the bible.... a rant for another time perhaps)
Or from the biology perspective, an organism's primary purpose is to produce offspring to continue it's genetic line. How does a man do that when the female of the species so fails to perform her duty? Yes I know that other men are reproducing but that does nothing to satisfy my need for offspring.
So I realized that for me to be happy it must be blood of my own blood, flesh of my flesh. and again, since I can't do it the traditional way I came upon the idea of either just a surrogate mother with excellent genetics, or get an egg donor with good genetics and the surrogate carries the child, or finally I clone myself and screw other people's lousy genetics. Oh and I'm also working on how to live longer to improve my chances of having a legacy. oh and thanks to gene therapy even with cloning I can be sure that my children will be a step up from me, genetically speaking. http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/gene-therapy-for-the-unborn-1777725.html
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