I have spoken before of the out of the frying pan and into the fire metaphor in relation to the current events in my life. In introduction I must admit that I am forced to be vague and elliptical by the nature of the crisis. Things being the way they are (in that the source of the trouble will be eliminated should the crisis reach a head) I will at some point be able to speak about these matters with more frankness.
Well to stick to the metaphor the frying pan has begun to tip. I had thought the crisis had passed. I was not in safe waters though and things heated up this morning. Last week an incident occurred which has magnified the danger I am in. However, time is an excellent lens for enhancing understanding the truth.
To quote one of my favorite Dustin Hoffman movies, Wag the Dog:
"This is nothing. D'you ever shoot in Italy? Try three Italian starlets wacked out on Benzedrine and grappa, this is a walk in the park..."
Everything is a matter of perspective. That has become my personal slogan, my mantra which brings me peace beyond what any religion or philosopher ever has. The fact is that in fact bad things do happen. They happen every day. Good people are not immune from bad things happening, in fact to some extent they are more vulnerable. An evil person, supposing such a being exists, must suspect everyone of betrayal as a matter of logical following out of job duties. Unless they are a profoundly ignorant evil person they must admit that given their own dishonesty they can't expect better from others. Good people suffer from no such notion by nature. They must go through life getting the shit kicked out of them until they either become cynical or find peace another way.
I was moving towards a point though. I look back at my worst moments, and in comparison the present moment seems pale indeed. I knew this evil was there, and I have known about it for a long time. I hoped I could avoid it, turns out I can't.
There is however peace here too. Though this obstacle is apparently fixed in my path, I am not a victim. I can choose how I react. I find peace when I know I cannot fix the thing bothering me, because it allows me to focus elsewhere. When my ex-wife cheated on me and left, I realized I had no control over who she was. In that there was freedom. I was free to direct my life away from her and her destructive influence.
I find similarity also in who I am in regards to the thing hurting me. It is the nature of my personality that only those close to me can hurt me. That I am hurt at all proves that this loss is personal. I only let things that uplift me get close to me. Looking back I can see that not only am I a better person for it's influence, but also that should it choose to go beyond redemption I will be better for the departure.
I survived. God has preserved me. These two facts are absolute. Have I been hurt? Of course I have. Pain is part of life, it lets you know you are growing, and which things to avoid in the future. I could not have avoided getting here, but hopefully what I have learned will help me be less of a target for stuff like this in the future.
I have also been given time to think. Time is a gift that I cannot afford to waste. Today I have made progress towards thinking my way out of this. Currently all ways are going straight through. A step at a time I'll get there.
Well to stick to the metaphor the frying pan has begun to tip. I had thought the crisis had passed. I was not in safe waters though and things heated up this morning. Last week an incident occurred which has magnified the danger I am in. However, time is an excellent lens for enhancing understanding the truth.
To quote one of my favorite Dustin Hoffman movies, Wag the Dog:
"This is nothing. D'you ever shoot in Italy? Try three Italian starlets wacked out on Benzedrine and grappa, this is a walk in the park..."
Everything is a matter of perspective. That has become my personal slogan, my mantra which brings me peace beyond what any religion or philosopher ever has. The fact is that in fact bad things do happen. They happen every day. Good people are not immune from bad things happening, in fact to some extent they are more vulnerable. An evil person, supposing such a being exists, must suspect everyone of betrayal as a matter of logical following out of job duties. Unless they are a profoundly ignorant evil person they must admit that given their own dishonesty they can't expect better from others. Good people suffer from no such notion by nature. They must go through life getting the shit kicked out of them until they either become cynical or find peace another way.
I was moving towards a point though. I look back at my worst moments, and in comparison the present moment seems pale indeed. I knew this evil was there, and I have known about it for a long time. I hoped I could avoid it, turns out I can't.
There is however peace here too. Though this obstacle is apparently fixed in my path, I am not a victim. I can choose how I react. I find peace when I know I cannot fix the thing bothering me, because it allows me to focus elsewhere. When my ex-wife cheated on me and left, I realized I had no control over who she was. In that there was freedom. I was free to direct my life away from her and her destructive influence.
I find similarity also in who I am in regards to the thing hurting me. It is the nature of my personality that only those close to me can hurt me. That I am hurt at all proves that this loss is personal. I only let things that uplift me get close to me. Looking back I can see that not only am I a better person for it's influence, but also that should it choose to go beyond redemption I will be better for the departure.
I survived. God has preserved me. These two facts are absolute. Have I been hurt? Of course I have. Pain is part of life, it lets you know you are growing, and which things to avoid in the future. I could not have avoided getting here, but hopefully what I have learned will help me be less of a target for stuff like this in the future.
I have also been given time to think. Time is a gift that I cannot afford to waste. Today I have made progress towards thinking my way out of this. Currently all ways are going straight through. A step at a time I'll get there.
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