never over

I don't want to give the impression that the war is over in my life. I do still believe it may be over while I'm still breathing, but I can't make any promises. I'm not running the show here. It should be noted at this point I'm okay with that. I wouldn't have a better plan if I were to be running the show. In addition I don't think there is anyone or anything out there with a better plan for my life. God and I are having a more realistic discussion that I have had in awhile. That being said... it's hard. It's very hard having a frank discussion with the guy who could throw a net around you and scoop you into security. It complicates things knowing the guy is all powerful, and his assessment of what needs to change in me is what determines what happens next. If I'm still too flawed to perform whatever task he has ahead for me, back through the fire I go. Even now when the fire isn't high I'm still being molded. I have had to let go of my attachments, materialistic instincts I suppose I had. It must be in the human nature to drift towards materialism, because my instincts are more towards a value system based on time. Which is challenging, since every job I know promises money, not time.

I came to the conclusion that my ideal would be maximum hours to think and write. If I were really financially secure I could do that... Anyway, I'm kind of dry right now. On the road to a new computer, fingers still crossed about that, because it's not here until it's here.