Wednesday this semester is a hectic day:
I get up to an alarm (the only day I have to), between 6:45 AM and 7:15 AM.
I go out to breakfast, again the only day that I have to.
Then I get to school between 8:25 AM and 8:45 AM and try to start working.
Intro to counseling starts at 9 AM.
I can focus for maybe half an hour of the class. Unavoidably we end up on a tangent (as is going on right now). I don't care about the personal feelings of my peers on how broken people are. We're training to be healers, we are not sociologists.
This may be a flaw in my character. I get very frustrated with the shallow and esoterically meaningless discussions of under educated people. It is unavoidable that we must all discuss the various blemishes that our society possesses. I find no fault in the cry of "This world should be better!" My fault is in the cry of the layman of "The technical solution should be thus!" As if they had the data to say so!
Which comes back to things I hate in myself. I hate it when I think I have all of the data for a given project and do not. I would rather be mute on all solutions than speak of things I don't know.
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A pause thinking about borderline personality disorder.
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There isn't much of a choice between developing interesting insights on others and dominating the class.
I just have so much poorly sourced anger. I hate, without specificity and without direction towards a point of satisfaction. What is worse is that I depend on my anger as a crutch. My anger gets me up in the morning, and carries me through the day. I don't want to work, or leave the house for that matter. I'd be quite content to read my books and eat at home. Yet, there is no satisfaction there. I don't like the way the world treats me when I do what I prefer.
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3.5 hours later and nothing MHM 10/3/2018
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Push to publish the next day because this mindfulness exercise was day specific. MHM 10/4/2018
I get up to an alarm (the only day I have to), between 6:45 AM and 7:15 AM.
I go out to breakfast, again the only day that I have to.
Then I get to school between 8:25 AM and 8:45 AM and try to start working.
Intro to counseling starts at 9 AM.
I can focus for maybe half an hour of the class. Unavoidably we end up on a tangent (as is going on right now). I don't care about the personal feelings of my peers on how broken people are. We're training to be healers, we are not sociologists.
This may be a flaw in my character. I get very frustrated with the shallow and esoterically meaningless discussions of under educated people. It is unavoidable that we must all discuss the various blemishes that our society possesses. I find no fault in the cry of "This world should be better!" My fault is in the cry of the layman of "The technical solution should be thus!" As if they had the data to say so!
Which comes back to things I hate in myself. I hate it when I think I have all of the data for a given project and do not. I would rather be mute on all solutions than speak of things I don't know.
-------
A pause thinking about borderline personality disorder.
-------
There isn't much of a choice between developing interesting insights on others and dominating the class.
I just have so much poorly sourced anger. I hate, without specificity and without direction towards a point of satisfaction. What is worse is that I depend on my anger as a crutch. My anger gets me up in the morning, and carries me through the day. I don't want to work, or leave the house for that matter. I'd be quite content to read my books and eat at home. Yet, there is no satisfaction there. I don't like the way the world treats me when I do what I prefer.
-------
3.5 hours later and nothing MHM 10/3/2018
------
Push to publish the next day because this mindfulness exercise was day specific. MHM 10/4/2018
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