So, lots of things have happened, two actual relationships ending in one year is quite a thing, I've already capped all my relationship goals for the year so I'm just ready to spend the rest of it alone, unless other plans come along. Never rule out God, it's a rule.
The focus of this essay is intended to be the personal change I have experienced through the value of one word: pride. It has many names, with many different connotations. Examples include hubris, self confidence, vanity, narcissism, being self centered, and a host of others. Our culture (american western culture that is) has HUGE problems with this particular trait. I'm sure you can tell by how many of the words I listed have horrible negative connotations. My wife at least in some part left me because of my pride. It doesn't come without it's cost. Christians in particular hate it. I can't count the number of times I've heard someone in a christian recovery group say "I have issues with pride". And here is what kills me, everyone just nods and admires them for dealing with this problem they have. I hope to give you some idea of what is wrong with that point of view.
First to tell my story you need just a little background. I was born in the bible belt, raised christian by two very nurturing parents, and have never been one of the normal guys. So not fitting it in it should make sense that I didn't exactly exude self confidence in my early adult years. It's hard to be confident when your society makes it clear you don't belong. All that changed when my wife left. She had treated me so horribly, like so many women before and suddenly my brain just stood up and said "I've had enough, I don't deserve this." That was the foundation of pride forming. I started wearing clothes that accent my better features, reading more and working out to invest in myself.
The reasoning is simple: No one is going to stick around for me like me. There is no more certainty of investment return than investing in something that CANNOT be taken from you. That means unless you have a valuable possession grafted to your skin, your mind and body are the only truly long term investments you have. Now let's talk about the benefits for a minute. In the benefit column if you take pride in yourself, love yourself if you will, you'll almost always have what you want. It's so much easier to ask, easier to recieve and easier to take care of someone you love. A major boon in the emotional catagory (though also a stumbling block, you cannot ignore that factor) is that if you love yourself suddenly people who are emotionally bad for you are unappealing to the extreme. It makes decision making easier, both romantically and career wise. Just ask one simple question: "is this decision in my best interest?"
Now I want to talk about the obstacles that you will have put in your way. If you strive for anything really great then you're going to face some problems. In this case the problem is people. If you are a man then women will hate this about you, even though they will rarely say so. The reason is fairly straight forward, and that is the fact that women in this country are used to men falling all over themselves to try and impress them. Here is the truth: if you are doing your job right then they'll be more than impressed, if they are the right type of woman for you. Taking pride in your appearance, especially if you decide to stand out as I have will get you some major ribbing from your fellow human beings. Oh and if you are a christian few will ever believe you.
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