I made a decision once, and that decision was the biggest thing I've ever done. I should have known no matter what part of me had to die that day, I couldn't not betray myself.
The decision was whether or not to join the military
one one side, with the military, stood my wife and most steadfast companion
on the other, my parents and the morality I had grown up with
I could not betray myself, let the soft hearted me die in the military, because I still cared about me enough to make the decision best for me, at least in the short term. I always protect those I love and that is what killed me.
six months later my wife left me... for a few reasons but me not joining the military set those events in motion
and a part of me died. The moral of the story is you can't save anything. Sometimes the choice is between two unimaginably cruel realities. In one I'd still have her, just not my own self respect or a good portion of my personality. In the other, well, I'm living that, she divorce me and married a military man...... that's why I want to die, because I should have died spiritually and joined the air force..... done what she wanted and not been as alone. Sadly you only have one shot at these decisions, and you'll never know which was right. All I can tell you is I think both were wrong.
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